Your very own Governor Schwarzenbobble

Arnold is steamed, and his wife Maria is offended. Arnold’s attorney is foaming. We can almost hear the governor’s guttural screams echoing through the corridors of the Capitol: “I AM NOT A BOBBLEHEAD!”

It seems they’re outraged about the audacity of some free-enterprising bobblehead maker who used the Republican’s image not only to make money, but also to foolishly donate some of it to a cancer charity.

Seemingly oblivious to the fact that the governor is a political public figure to the max, Schwarzenegger’s Hollywood attorney went over the top, raving about “outrageous, malicious and tortious actions” and went on to threaten that this exploitation would cost the bobblehead company millions.

We feel the former action figure is, well, discombobble-ated and has gone beyond the pale in protecting his Hollywood image, just recently threatening another suit on a beer maker to protect that valuable Conan-killer-thing that he did on film. After all, his film career as a hero must be about over, because he will certainly go on to run for president. Arnold and his wife need to shed their thin skins. Maria demanded a shop owner in Washington, D.C., remove the doll because she was offended by it. Hey Maria, while you’re on leave from the news business, try to remember there’s a First Amendment. He is no longer able to have his celebrity likeness exploited, for better or worse, because he’s now our governor. And for all that he’s done for this state, he ought to be paying us!

It is in this light that we are offering you the forbidden Arnold Bobblenegger. Yes, we are putting ourselves up as litigation fodder in an effort to make a point. So, our challenge to you, our es-steamed governor, is to try to stop us and our readers. Look, we’re using your image and likeness to make you look silly. That’s right, S-I-L-L-Y! Come on, Arrrrrnold! We’re throwing down.

Readers: If you are somehow able to put this doll puzzle together and appreciate it for what it is—a funny way to celebrate freedom of speech—then maybe you’d like to contribute to the poor Bosley Bobbers company in Ohio, which is suffering the terminating wrath of Arnold’s attorney.

Directions
Materials required: scissors, tape, an empty soda can and a piece of paper (preferably something heavier than newsprint).

1. Cut out all four pieces of the bobblehead pattern and the accessories.

2. Break the tab off the soda can and tape the circular cutout to the top of the can.

3. Tape Arnold’s body piece together and place around the can, but do not tape it to the can; otherwise, you will not be able to rotate Arnold’s outfits.

4. Trace two copies of the pattern for the neck spring onto the thicker paper and cut them out.

5. Tape the two spring pieces together at a 90-degree angle, forming an “L” shape. Fold the pieces of paper back and forth over one another to form a small spring. Tape the ends together.

6. For the head piece, lightly crease the remaining dotted lines and tape the tabs to the insides of the side panels. Fold down the four panels touching Arnold’s face, at 90- degree angles. Tape the tabs to the sides. Fold up the back of the bobblehead and tape the top of his head down.

7. Tape the neck spring first to the head in the designated spot and then to the can.

8. Voilà! It bobbles.