Yes on Prop. Satan

Like perverted relatives, Mormons, Christians and other religious zealots are trying to stuff their flabby, desperate ideals into my bed at night. And I’ve been trying to counteract their advances by beefing up on Satanic metal so that I’m no longer attractive to them. God Dethroned, Mayhem and my old favorite, Cradle of Filth, seem to suit my increasingly devilish ambitions as of late. And with each blond Aryan with a name tag and a Bible stuffed under his peach-fuzzed armpit, my urge to worship the Dark Lord only increases—and it’s a good thing that in Sacramento we have a soundtrack for that kind of activity. One band that follows in a strong tradition of Satanic black metal is Church Burner (Evil Jim, Matthew Mulligan, Rhiannon Van Kempen)—a pounding, God-hating trio of musicians and prophets of evil who bring terror, anti-Christian sentiment, growling vocals, unrelenting drums and adrenaline-fueled metal. Black-metal bands are by no means popular, but they’re way more bad-ass than your suburban, ironic, art-punk mustache band. And infinitely more truthful than that buttrock collective who plays at the local megachurch.