White people problems

Dear Mexican:

I’m a white girl dating a Mexican from Jalisco that works for my dad. There lies the problem. Dad absolutely dislikes him and totally opposes me dating Ignacio and has been almost rude to him, which I don’t like.

Some details now: I often visit Dad at his office, and in one of those I met Ignacio, deepest dark eyes that I’ve ever seen …

We flirted a little, exchanged phone numbers and that was it for that day. Me and the guy hit it off almost from the beginning, so I feel it was totally natural to start dating him, even if he lives in a not-so-nice place and we have different backgrounds. Of course, Dad gave me a whole speech that night at home, that I should not be talking to people I don’t know, that what I was thinking, etc. And when we started dating a few days later, he got mad, refused to drive me to the mall and so on.

A few days later, we dated again, and we kissed and started our relationship, and my father started to behave like a drama queen, saying he was disappointed, that he thought he raised a good, decent girl and such things. I had no option but call him a racist and sore loser, which I’m sorry now to have said. Dad lectures me about me not worrying “about my future” and that I’m “losing it over a beaner,” makes a scene many times when I’m going out with Ignacio and calls my cellphone often to “check out” what I’m doing. He justifies his behavior because I’m his only daughter and says he wants the “best” (read: Date a white guy). The fact is that I like my boyfriend a lot and don’t see why I need to break up with him just to please my father. It gets complicated because Ignacio says one day he’s gonna lose patience and answer back at my dad, or worse. What can I do to handle Dad’s dramas? And to have him accept my relationship with Ignacio?

—Una Confused Gringa

Dear Gabacha:

So Nacho is good enough to work for your papi, but not good enough for his daughter? Typical gabacho exploiter. I would flaunt the relationship in front of your dad. Change your name to Xochitl. Blast mariachi in your home. Make your tortillas by hand—better yet, start eating nopales. Totally freak out your dad! But at the same time, be a responsible chica—you didn’t specify your age, but given your reference to getting driven to the mall and still living at home, I’ll assume you’re in high school. So stay away from sex—but if you do, make sure to use birth control, because Mexican sperm is potent. Keep up your grades. Show Dad that your life won’t worsen if a Mexi is your man, and that he’s pendejo for even thinking about it. And remind him that frowning on interracial relationships is so Jim Crow era, and to get with the programa.

Why do you frijoleros (being myself of Iberian descent, if you can use gabacho you’ve gotta let me use this) assume that white people don’t speak Spanish? You would not believe the crap I hear almost every day! We spoke Spanish when the Mexica were still ripping out the hearts of their neighbors.

—El Cid Soy

Dear Gachupín:

A Spaniard who thinks he’s white? Ha! You gachupines are as gabacho as Mexicans are infertile.

GOOD MEXICAN OF THE WEEK: Latino Health Access is a pioneering nonprofit based in Orange County that has earned national acclaim for its promotora program, in which it trains community members how to teach healthy living habits in the city’s low-income neighborhoods. Last week, the board of supervisors declined to agree to a contract with them. LHA’s sin? Using “Latino” in its name—pendejo fail. Check out the group at www.latinohealthaccess.org, and tell the world the Mexican’s American homeland is run by a bola of pendejos—but the world knew that, of course …