Warning!

Subjects who viewed the contents of SN&R’s Best of Sacramento Unauthorized files have exhibited dramatic lifestyle changes. Almost immediately, they stopped wearing wristwatches and counting carbohydrates and saying things like, “I mustn’t forget to pick up the dry cleaning!”

Within days of exposure, subjects began savoring gourmet dinners in secret locations, patronizing obscure theater productions and plucking treasures out of Dumpsters. They planned cheap weddings, sunbathed nude and ditched Blockbuster in favor of regular visits to the public library. Invariably, they were the first ones in the pool—even when the pool did not belong to them.

After a lengthy observation trial, experts concluded that the Best of Sacramento Unauthorized files are scientifically proven to spur readers towards more interesting lives.

Of course, not everyone is ready to embrace a freewheeling and unauthorized existence. Consult a lawyer to find out if the Best of Sacramento Unauthorized issue is right for you.

To help you stay on the right side of the law, we’ve included a list of things you probably didn’t know were unauthorized in Sacramento. You’ll find those city codes in the “Breakin’ the Law” boxes throughout the issue. (If you happen to be carrying banana peels or live geese on your person, refer to these pages immediately.)

For your convenience, we’ve also marked the particularly potent—and potentially illegal—writers’ picks with our official “Unauthorized” stamp.

Go ahead and turn the page. You’ve been warned.

The following individuals are definitely not responsible for Best of Sacramento Unauthorized:

Editor Becca Costello
Copy Editors Kimberly Brown, Shoka Shafiee
Contributors Kimberly Brown, Sena Christian, Becca Costello, Matthew Craggs, Alia Cruz, Candice Diminyatz, Josh Fernandez, Cosmo Garvin, Jenn Kistler, Nick Miller, Kel Munger, R.V. Scheide, Shoka, Kate Washington

Art Director Andrew Nilsen
Design Manager Anne Lesemann
Design Michele Brown, Don Button, Brandi Gardner, Miles Harley, David Jayne, Marianne Mancina, Kate Murphy, Jennifer Shellack, Sharon Wisecarver
Web Kelsey Falle
Photographers Larry Dalton, Kyle Monk, Dominick Porras, Anne Stokes

Sales Department Manager Dan Bernethy
Sales Manager Clayton Nutting
Ad Services Manager Amy Nathman
Ad Services Specialist LeeAnn Grundhoefer
Sales Team Cheri Baker, Robert Bondanza, Josh Burke, Tyler Campbell, Sylvano Eibeck, Raina LaGarreta, Joanna Lane, Jinx Liberato, Rosemarie Messina, Robert Tousley, Kevin Tuuaga, Olla Ubay, Joy Webber, Kelsi White

Models James Anderson, Bonnie Antonini, Erin Batsford, Jesse Brown, Samantha Bush, Sylvano Eibeck, Josh Fernandez, Jaleen Francois, Deanna Frederickson, Andrea Glickman, LeeAnn and Raymie Grundhoefer, Jeremiah Groves, Miles Harley, Christelle Isbell, Bryan Jackson, David Jayne, Kendra Jenkins, Raina LaGarreta, Amanda Lopez, Kate Murphy, Tatiyana Parks, Greg Pond, Dominick Porras, Rafael Siegel, Kevin Tuuaga, Olla Ubay, Erica and Madison Williams

Special thanks to Melinda Welsh for all her help; Michael Billingsley and his crew for distributing the biggest SN&R issue of the year; Kelli Guerriero for promotion and marketing; Katie McMillin, Simone Wade, Josh Rennert and Natasha vonKaenel for counting ballots and assembling plaques; Ric Marques and the operations department; Renee Briscoe and Lindsay Hall; and Jeff vonKaenel and Deborah Redmond.