TMNT

The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are back in a computer-animated adventure pitting them against … um, well, it’s hard to say exactly. Director Kevin Munroe’s script opens with a convoluted prologue set 3,000 years ago, then flashes forward to our heroes in modern-day New York and there’s something-or-other about rounding up 13 monsters before a mystical astrological portal closes. “Mystical astrological portal” in this case is a code phrase that translates, roughly, as “We can’t come up with a story.” The animation is cheesy and poorly designed, betraying Munroe’s video-game background—could somebody please send the guy a picture of a rat so he’ll know what Master Splinter is supposed to look like? Despite nonstop mayhem, even the Turtles’ most loyal fans probably will be squirming in their booster seats.