Thir13en Ghosts

A widower (Tony Shalhoub) and his kids (Shannon Elizabeth, Alec Roberts) inherit the ghastliest house on earth, with solid glass walls and 12 ghosts in the basement. Writers Robb White, Neal Stevens and Richard D’Ovidio and director Steve Beck steal the title of William Castle’s 1960’s schlock potboiler (and the gag of special glasses that help you see the ghosts) for a fiasco of jaw-dropping enormity—the Battlefield Earth of horror movies. You know you’re in trouble when the very first scene is completely incomprehensible and—worse yet—the first face you see is F. Murray Abraham’s. Shalhoub looks understandably humiliated (is he into loan sharks or something, that he had to take this job?), while co-star Embeth Davidtz must be wondering how she fell from Schindler’s List to this.