The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn—Part 1

Bella (Kristen Stewart) and her vampire squeeze Edward (Robert Pattinson) get married, and she becomes pregnant with a demon fetus that fatally saps her strength, forcing hubby to “turn” her in the nick of time. Splitting the last of Stephenie Meyer’s books in two is a shameless ploy; the movie is all but plotless, padded with love scenes between Stewart and Pattinson (just about the dullest couple who ever faced a movie camera). Director Bill Condon, prostituting himself, flirts with teen porn and stretches his PG-13 rating in the ceremonial deflowering of the virgin bride, then plummets into low camp with a closing scene apparently set at a Bela Lugosi impersonator convention. The only entertainment comes from the audience, squealing with teeny-bopper glee when werewolf Taylor Lautner rips off his shirt.