The Three Musketeers

Alexandre Dumas’ durable classic takes a hell of a beating at the hands of director Paul W.S. Anderson and writers Alex Litvak and Andrew Davies, tarting up the story with flying warships like something out of Jules Verne. Gaudy and vulgar, the movie might almost pass for a spoof if it weren’t so completely humorless (Anderson has never been noted for wit or subtlety). The overuse of CGI robs the fights of any real danger—they’re just so many violent dances. Logan Lerman is a vapid D’Artagnan, and the musketeers (Matthew Macfadyen, Luke Evans and Ray Stevenson) are stranded with no characters to play. The same goes for Milla Jovovich as Lady de Winter and Christoph Waltz as Cardinal Richelieu; only Mads Mikkelsen as the villain Rochefort brings a touch of sinister panache to the ridiculous goings-on.