t.A.T.u.

We are now rapidly approaching Armageddon. Jethro Mussolini is busy riling up all the neighborhood Hatfields to go whup Saddam McCoy’s ass. Meanwhile, J.Ho’s talentless ass is damned near ubiquitous, and the world’s largest record company, Vivendi Universal, is busy foisting a hook-laden wall of Trevor Horn-produced racket fronted by two teenage girls from Russia who happen to be, or are packaged to resemble, a lesbian couple (gasp!). Dunno what to think: The intellectual part of my brain knows this is pure raving poop, but the inveterate pop junkie—the inner ABBA freak who whispers stuff like, “Y’know, Aqua’s ‘Barbie Girl’ really was a high point of postmodern culture”—keeps punching that replay button. Neither Lena Katina nor Julie Volkova had a damn thing to do with writing any of these tunes, which include a Mouseketeer-techno cover of the Smiths’ “How Soon Is Now.” You know you need this.