Sunday schooled

Those who like kung fu, vampires and good ol’ J.C. will love the cheesy-as-hell film Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter. This Easter Sunday, forget church, forget Easter egg hunts and head straight for Movies on a Big Screen’s presentation of the 2001 film at the Guild Theater. The second coming marks the return of an ear-pierced, drum-playing, wooden stake-wielding son of God. Jesus fights off trashy vampires to replenish the supply of lesbians, who have been targeted by the blood-guzzling fangers. However, vampires are not the only evildoers wreaking havoc. J.C. goes Jet Li on a gang of atheists. Well, it’s more like a Three Stooges impersonation of going Jet Li because, hey, it’s a low-budget film. Let’s just say they get Sunday schooled. Even the Almighty himself makes an appearance as a bowl of ice cream topped with cherries. Yum. Yes, it’s the best way to celebrate Easter.

Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter will show at 7:30 p.m. Sunday, April 4; $5; Guild Theater, 2828 35th Street; www.moviesonabigscreen.com.