Steering by the stars

I am an Asian, female immigrant from a country where astrology rules life. An astrologer said I was entering my best marriage period, but if I don’t marry by August 2003, my next chance would be an “OK” match at 40. A proposal was arranged with an Asian man. My mother said he was “the one,” but we had no chemistry. Desperate, my mother and I went to an Asian-American psychic that we had previously vowed never to return to (her predictions never came true). She laughed at the prediction but then said I would marry “closer to 40.” When I noted the contradiction, she seemed confused and then said my marriage energy was closed. I do not want to wait too long to marry because it may affect my ability to conceive. Are psychics giving me messages from God?

I think the message is to turn toward God and away from superstition. But here’s my bias: I cannot find value in taking astrology literally because doing so simply encourages fatalistic excuses that people use to avoid change: “I’m like this because I’m a Taurus.” When a person’s ego becomes so attached to seeing itself in one way, and the person has what he or she believes is justification for that worldview (an astrological chart) and insists on a dogmatically literal reading of that justification, the person has become a fundamentalist. The only difference between such people and Jerry Falwell is the source material (charts vs. the Bible).

A person who is flooded with fear rarely notices that astrologers and psychics provide reassurance, not insight. For example, you don’t want to marry the pre-arranged guy, so seeing a “psychic” you don’t trust reassures you that you’re right. My advice is to expel your fear that this may be your only chance, discern between instinct (your biological clock) and intuition and then trust your intuition.

Or, you can bring depth to astrology by reading it symbolically. For example, my translation of my “best marriage period” would be a time when I was being called to integrate my inner masculine and feminine qualities fully. Work on the internal marriage of ego and soul as preparation for the external experience of becoming a life partner. This will reveal whether you are writing this guy off too quickly (attraction can grow) or whether you made the best decision about marriage (waiting for the right guy) during your marriage period.

Can people be in love and then, years later, be platonic? Ever since I found evidence that my boyfriend and his best friend (a woman) were once involved, I’ve been jealous. I told my boyfriend I had a feeling they once had a thing. He completely denied it. I think he is trying to protect my heart because he still wants to be friends with her. Or, maybe I’m blind.

He denied he had been romantically involved with his best friend, but you have valid evidence otherwise? I think you are trying to protect your own heart by denying his lie. Your anger about this leaks out as jealousy. He may be afraid to be honest about his past because he dislikes conflicts. He may be scared of losing you or her (or both) or have unresolved feelings for her. Still, truth is the foundation of healthy relationships. You need to examine your history of being lied to by others and separate those experiences from this one so you can talk to him clearly. And be honest about your own lie: You didn’t “have a feeling”; you had evidence.