Singles take heart!

If facing New Year’s Eve without a date seems daunting, take courage from the following edited transcript of my recent appearance on UPN 31’s Good Day Sacramento.

Host: Holidays can be a difficult time, especially if you’re single. It can be depressing, and it can be lonely.

Joey: That’s absolutely true, and, with the darkness outside, the depression can feel even heavier. The good news is that this season is a time to birth light. That means it’s also a time to birth enlightenment. So, it’s a good time to get to know yourself better.

There are concrete things that singles can do during the holidays, and they have nothing to do with finding someone. Singles can use this time to work on themselves. For example, I think it’s important that singles find places where they feel they belong—whether it’s an organization, a group of friends or family members. They need to be where they feel accepted, acknowledged and appreciated.

Maybe church or civic organizations?

Absolutely.

Are holiday parties a good place to find that special person?

They can be. But it is important to go to parties by yourself, to feel the independence and strength that can develop within yourself when you are willing to do something alone and without expecting to meet a mate. If you’re going to be successful as a member of a couple, you have to be independent. We have the idea that a soul mate is a person who loves everything we love and wants to do everything we do. The reality is that your soul mate is going to have some of his or her own passions that are going to be different from yours. The sooner you learn to do things on your own, the better prepared you are to become a partner for someone else.

So, work on yourself.

Absolutely. It’s a good time to share your gifts, talents and abilities. You mentioned churches and civic organizations. This is a good time of year to give of yourself by saying, “Here’s something that I’m really good at; let me give this to my community.” Let the world be your soul mate instead of fixating on the narrow idea that a soul mate means just one person.

People always say love happens when you’re not looking. What do you think of that?

It’s really good advice! I think that people look a little too hard, and I know that I have done that myself. You know, “Where is he? Where is he?” But my best relationships have happened by accident, so that is good advice.

Do you take your new squeeze to a holiday party? Do you give a gift?

I don’t recommend taking your new squeeze to company events, like holiday parties, because if it’s someone you haven’t been around very much, and a week later you dump the guy or gal, you’re thinking, “What am I going to say to everybody at work?” Your co-workers are wondering what happened and why you’re cycling through so many men or women. That starts a lot of gossip. Who needs it? I would say no, you don’t take your new squeeze. Go solo or take someone you know well.

The gift thing is very interesting, because a gift does say a lot about where your relationship is, doesn’t it?

Yeah, don’t bust out the rings just yet! [Laughter.]

The gift should say that you appreciate that person, you know who they are, you’ve been attentive to their interests, but you’re being respectful of what stage you are in in the relationship.