Sex & Love
Traveling to 2100: Spacey Personals
Illustration By Leif Jones
Classifieds, June 9, 2100
EXTRATERRESTRIAL SEEKING HUMAN
Four-armed Jupiter cutie WLTM ED human for hand-holding, hugs, more hand-holding and possible long-distance relationship. Your planet or mine?
Tired of Martians who finish at the speed of light? Let this sexy SSS Saturnian pilot his rocket ship through your wormhole. You’ll reach your destination, even if we have to go into warp drive.
ANDROID SEEKING HUMAN
Android seeking flesh. I’m tired of cold, digital stimulation. I want warmth and bodily fluids. Let’s get organic!
HUMAN SEEKING HUMAN
Frisky octogenarian M human WLTM sexy senior F human, 175-225, for friendship and good times. Age comes before beauty.
Like to travel? Let’s visit Uranus. Serious responses only, please.
Scientologist ISO publicist for a match made in Hollywood. I’ve got the faith if you’ve got the spin.
Nice human WLTM same for long walks on the holodeck, synthetic-strawberry daiquiris and quiet evenings by the digital fireplace. Age, sex and planetary origin unimportant.
ANDROID SEEKING ANDROID
Ford Roboman 2080 seeks similar model (years 2075-2090) for mutual tuneups. You bring the lube; I’ll bring the tools.
EXTRATERRESTRIAL SEEKING EXTRATERRESTRIAL
Martian-turned-Venetian seeks partner for planet-bending play. Let’s not do it by the book.
ANYTHING GOES
Polyamorous triad needs fourth member to complete right angles. Flexibility a must.
Wanted: computer geek to program my holodeck so I can have simu-sex with Ms. Universe. Call me with your hourly rate.
Done it all. I’m ready for the last unexplored kink: celibacy. You, too? Call, and we won’t get it on—together.
Personals Decoder
S: single
MA: married
P: polyamorous
A: asexual
ED: Earth-dwelling
SSS: solar-system swinger
M: male
F: female
CL: clone
CB: cyborg
TS: transexual
PS: pansexual
BBM: big beautiful Martian
WLTM: would like to meet
BS: bilaterally symmetrical
RS: radially symmetrical
2E: two-eyed
3E: three-eyed
C: Christian
OB: oxygen-breathing
AN: anaerobic
ISO: in search of
ST: Star Trek
NTDYLF: not the droid you’re looking for
