Sac Snark, the SN&R interview

Snarkramento popped up on Twitter maybe a year ago. Maybe longer. Who can remember; such is time. Anyway, @sac_snark, an anonymous mouthy Twitter account, is there just in case you need someone to remind you that DoCo, the name for the new arena “Downtown Commons” area, is straight dumb. Snark is there to poop on your selfie art project. And, admirably, Snark never pulls punches. Snark will call your stupid idea out by name, which will hurt your feelings, and so you’ll complain about how Snark hides in the shadows of anonymity. But consider: Every city needs some kind of masked vigilante, a voice of the people who will call you out on your shit, someone who can speak the truth in this modern-day, Hollywood-stars-on-Midtown-sidewalks Sacramento. Gotta admire Snarkramento—which is why I emailed Snark last week to talk some trash!

You spend a lot of time on Twitter, so you’re either unemployed or a state worker, right?

Actually, I am a high-powered corporate litigation attorney.

What is the No. 1 issue Sacramento needs to deal with in the next year?

Real answer: homelessness. There is a serious privilege gap that is only growing worse with the increased development downtown.

Snarky answer: Getting people to stop using the phrase “farm-to-fork lifestyle.”

When did you become such a hater?

Day 1, brah.

When did you start being an ass on Twitter?

I started the account about a year ago as a joke for me and my girlfriend to make ourselves laugh.

Hypothetical question: You have to get to the other side of town. You can’t walk. You can’t bike. No RT. Only options are the Brew Bike or a ride in the car with Downtown James Brown. Which do you choose and why?

Downtown James Brown and I both ride the Brew Bike, both of us shirtless and singing the whole way, of course.

Fondest Sacramento memory.

When Measure L, strong mayor, failed.

Say something nice about K.J.

He was a decent point guard.

What’s your fav place to eat in Sacto and why?

I only eat at farm-to-fork inspired, vegan pop-up restaurants.

How do you perceive yourself?

I’m a dick.

You get to rid Sacramento of either craft beer, bacon or pugs. What do you choose and why?

Pugs. Those ugly dogs would never survive in the wild. And they smell. And breathe weird. I’ll get you a new pet, though, Nick. If I got rid of all three, you wouldn’t have much to do anymore.

Who would play you in a movie?

Hackers-era Angelina Jolie.

What song is your anthem?

“Sacramento (What a Wonderful Town)” by Middle of the Road.

Worst Sacramento trend?

Urban “art” projects that are meant to evoke our civic pride. Particularly the Portal bullshit, and how it was supposed to be some kind of community journey through time and space where we all come to an awakening of our collective Sacramento spirit.

What is the most encouraging thing about Sacramento?

We are not going to run out of restaurants that specialize in craft beer and wood-fired pizza anytime soon.

Which Sacramentan would you least like to share a cup of coffee with?

Dead: Dorothea Puente because she was hella creepy.

Alive: Marcos Breton because his columns make him seem like a giant asshat and I'd punch him in the face if I had to sit with him.

Also, anyone who serves on a Metro Edge committee.

Tell me a fun Sacramento joke.

How many Sacramentans does it take to change a lightbulb?

Three: One to market and make a hashtag for it, one to set up a themed week about it, one to source it at the farmers market.