Sac 101: Be independent

Whoa, slow down there, Skipper!

Not so fast.

We know you’re itching to get onto campus and dissect fetal pigs, unleash your awkward hormones on unsuspecting classmates, or “find yourself” then blog about it (or whatever it is you people do in college these days). But there are certain things you’ll need to know before you buy your books and begin this scholastic journey.

You’re not just a student because you have a backpack and a furrowed brow. First, you have to know some facts. For example, did you know that if you put your head on a book, even if you’re using it as a pillow, the knowledge seeps right into your brain like cell-phone radiation? OK, that’s not a fact. It’s actually a lie—but it’d be cool, wouldn’t it?

Anyway, college is a big step. It’s like marriage, but without the depression. In essence, you’ll be marrying knowledge! And it’s not all about lectures and keg stands. So to help you figure out the ins and outs of Sacramento college life, we’ve put together this helpful little guide as sort of a pre-orientation orientation.

Confusing? Yeah, well that’s because you haven’t finished college yet, friend.

Oh but once you do, you’ll have us to thank for this crazy little booklet full of tips that will steer you down this path of financial burden, stress and procrastination. No, that’s not helpful. Fun, is what it will help you with. Fun. After all, that’s what college is all about, right? You know, after all the bills and headaches and all that.

Good luck! And have a good wedding.