Re: ‘world’ sports

Dear America,

Hello! How are you? Still having troubles at home? Oh, well, buck up ol’ sport! Things will get better soon, hopefully.

We’re writing because you’ve missed a few meetings on global perspective recently, so we wanted to fill you in.

As you may or may not have noticed, the 2006 FIFA World Cup, the most important world football competition—sorry, that’s soccer to you—began on June 9, and everything is going splendidly so far. Just so you don’t feel excluded (we know you don’t like that), we wanted to tell you a little bit about the most-watched sporting event in the world.

Since 1930, the World Cup has been held every four years, with the exception of 1942 and 1946 because of, well, you were there; you know. Three years of qualifying rounds lead up to the month-long finals between 32 national teams. Nearly 200 teams from all over the world, except Antarctica—give them a break; it’s a bloody tundra down there—have done battle in flat green spaces to bring a handful of teams to Germany for the ultimate competition. And guess what? You’re one of those 32! Did you know that? Congratulations.

So, even though this is the first year that all 64 games will be televised in the United States, we’re mildly concerned that many of your citizens will not think to pay them any attention. Because the games occur in Germany, kickoffs occur as early as 6 a.m. Pacific Time. What this means, though, is that for a few consecutive weeks all Americans may experience the effects of alcohol, adrenaline, camaraderie and jingoism several hours before even beginning their workday. Sounds good, no?

Now, we know you like to describe your national baseball, basketball and even, ah, “football” championships as “world championships.” But let us be realistic. Those sports are really all about you, don’t you think? At the last meeting we voted not to litigate this matter, but we would appreciate the courtesy, in future media coverage, of a little rewording. Or perhaps you would consider inviting us to play? We’ll even bring our own equipment, and our parents will bring orange slices for after the games. Until then, you’re always welcome to continue playing ball with the rest of us in the World Cup. Take care of yourself. Canada sends her love.

Sincerely,
the Rest of the World
(as dictated to Matthew Craggs)

Find futbol here:

The Streets of London Pub
1804 J Street (916) 498-1388

Bonnlair
3651 J Street (916) 455-7155

Luna’s Café
1414 16th Street (916) 441-3931

The Black Pearl Oyster Bar
2724 J Street (916) 440-0215

Marilyn’s on K
908 K Street (916) 446-4361