Put some insurance on that funk

With the latest iteration of the Parliament-Funkadelic juggernaut coming into town this weekend, we thought it incumbent on us to give you the latest, ahem, scoopy on the doings of the Mothership. The last time the large extraterrestrial transporter touched down on any venue not typically associated with giving up the funk, the result was an unmitigated disaster (see “Mothership Accidentally Descends on Hootie Concert”; The Onion; February 5, 1997).

Not that anyone is predicting a debacle here in Sactown. The ongoing presence of the Kings at Arco Arena has imbued area residents with a predilection for funk not found in areas lacking a solid NBA franchise. And any vague threats to “tear the roof off the structure,” as Hootie and the Blowfish singer Darius Rucker was quoted in The Onion’s piece as saying, are moot, as the Radisson is somewhat of an alfresco venue.

Dr. Phineas T. Buttstehude, a specialist in non-linear acceleration, not to mention a longtime UFO enthusiast and channeler of intelligences outside the law of gravity, is somewhat of a local expert on the matter. Buttstehude, who attends to clients from an open-air office near a Dumpster behind Taqueria Taco Loco on J Street, claims that the only condition exposure to “P-Funk” will rectify is an addiction to Hootie and the Blowfish, Dave Matthews Band and others of that ilk. “If you’re listening to the kind of music that won’t raise a ruckus on the golf course, you may be upset by Clinton’s brand of P-Funk,” he said.

But what is P-Funk? “Music that frees your ass,” said Jim, a self-proclaimed fan who was busy shopping for a large can of pork and beans at the Midtown Albertson’s. “Your mind will follow,” he added cryptically.

A more specific definition came from Booth “Booty” Collins, an expert in Latvian serial composers and Florida serial murderers, at his afternoon office at the Streets of London Pub. “It’s really about the concept of ‘slack,’” Collins stated. “See, disco is all Teutonic and that, with its rigid beat. P-Funk is like the elastic in your old pair of drawers: It’s loose enough to let you breathe, but it won’t slip down your butt.”

Clinton, Parliament-Funkadelic and keyboardist Bernie Worrell will be playing the Radisson, 500 Leisure Lane, at 6 p.m. Saturday, September 27. Tickets are $40, which won’t buy you a seat on the Mothership but may shake your moneymaker.

On a less funky tip, Northern California world-beat band !Akimbo will hit the Palms Playhouse at 13 Main Street in Winters on Friday, September 26, to celebrate the release of its new album, Bones Don’t Lie. The show starts at 8 p.m., tickets are $12, and a good time is said to be had by all.