Politics and cerveza

Dear Mexican:

The Mexican-American community is the most adversely affected by the influx of illegals. Only the politicians have any gain from lumping all Hispanics into the Latino category. Are proud, hardworking Mexican-Americans actually willing to continually diminish their own children’s American future purely to facilitate the radical Chicano politician’s dream of a fearful, disjointed Third World California? So far, the racist Chicano politicians are succeeding at making fools of the Mexican-American community. Where is the outrage? The Mexican-Americans I know are exemplary parents. Since when did the community at large cease to feel an obligation to its own children?

—My Best Friend is Brown

Dear Gabacho:

Of course Mexican-Americans are the community most affected by undocumented folks. They’re our primos y tíos deported by the migra, as well as the parents of young children left without mami or papi. Their hard work shames us pochos into working harder; their resourcefulness while living in this country leads to hilarious Mexican memes that get turned into listicles by the kids over at Buzzfeed and Pocho.com. More importantly, illegal immigrants are a constant reminder to our kids of any number of Biblical verses—do unto others this, strangers in a strange land eso—that keep us in check, our culture strong, and ensure we don’t turn into amoral assholes like ustedes Know Nothings.

Your column is typically about culture, society, love, life and death. But I want to ask about something more important—beer. Why is Mexican beer bland? Most of the beer in Mexico is a variant of a light European lager. Sure, not all beers are that way. But why doesn’t the beer follow the vibrant foods of Mexico? Is beer just a liquid to wash down interesting food? A palate cleaner, like a flavored water? Is beer a gateway to stronger drinks like mescal?

—Cerveza Sammy

Dear Gabacho:

The Mexican has never favored beer, probably because he drank too much of it as a four-year old y me dió asco. But I know enough to tell usted that nearly all the major Mexican beer brands are lagers because of the German, Czech and Austrian migrants who founded brands such as Tecate, Negra Modelo and Bohemia (what—you thought it was named after the last Aztec emperor?). I also know enough to turn an aficionado like you onto Mexico’s burgeoning microbrewery scene in Baja California, where I’m sure you can find stouts, IPAs and red ales worthy of Pliny the Younger. Finally, my cerveza knowledge is such that I know once-regional Mexican brands are now invading el Norte to capture gabacho dollars—Victoria started a mass ad campaign some years back, and Montejo (a golden lager most popular in Yucatán) just made its American debut. But what do I know? I’m just a humble mezcal borracho, after all.