Piss ‘n’ menthol

Until I read Ralph Brave’s cover story this week, the man of my dreams was Tom King. Dr. King submitted a letter that I hope runs in full on a future Letters page, or at the very least on our Web site. In the letter, which is based solely on a previous Editor’s Note I spat out, King wonders “by what art of slick chicanery this fellow by the name of Coker climbed to the dizzy top of your masthead.” King knights me “a virtual Emperor of the Cutely Cool,” identifies the odor emitting from the substance of my columns as that from “our cat’s litter box after a spell a feline diarrhea,” and paints a delicious picture of my tireless/tiresome work here “really as though a little peahen, having delivered her brood into the world, turned and relieved herself over their heads, flooding the nest.”

Be still my beating heart!

After reading King’s letter, I e-mailed back that he should write these Ed Notes. After reading King’s response to my e-mail, I e-mailed back begging him to at least write an essay for SN&R. After reading King’s essay (should one ever arrive), I suspect I’ll step down from my throne in shame to allow him to assume my editorship. Either that or I’ll piss all over my wee little peahens.

But alas, dear sweet Dr. King, my heart now belongs to another. His name is Michael O’Mahony and he is a sensory-science professor in the UC Davis Department of Food Science & Technology. O’Mahony’s comments in Brave’s story are so honest and damning and hilarious and frightening and colorful … well, let’s just say I fell hard for O’Mahony just this second as I was re-reading his quotes. Actually, what I did was copy and paste them under my byline so I could excerpt them for you here. But they are so much more delicious when read in context that I wound up deleting the copy for fear of ruining it for you. Knowing that you soon will share the pleasure I experienced makes me wet with anticipation—just like a peahen!

Anyone got a cigarette?