Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) and Hector Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush) are back, but not Keira Knightley (instead, Penélope Cruz) or Orlando Bloom (Sam Claflin, who somehow manages to be even less interesting than Bloom). Plus Ian McShane as Blackbeard—all of them for some reason racing to find the legendary Fountain of Youth. Writers Ted Elliott and Terry Rossio scrap nearly all of Tim Powers’ story, but this franchise was never about story. It’s about CGI, Johnny Depp playing drunk, and scruffy-looking British actors going Aaarrrrgh! This installment is better than the last two, in the way that a broken leg is better than a punctured lung. The 3-D is wasted because director Rob Marshall seldom holds a shot long enough for it to register; the dark glasses only make the image look as dim as the script.