Newlyweds, welcome to SN&R’s pink couch.

In case you somehow missed it, gays and lesbians all over California, and all over Sacramento, seized the opportunity last week to get married—legally—to their partners. It’s the closest that we’ve come to real marriage equality so far. Not there yet, not by a long shot. But much closer.

The daily media did a fine job covering wedding week and giving us the who, what, when and where of the historic moment.

But we figured a couple of things were missing.

First, if you’re going to get your picture in the paper for making history, it really ought to be a good picture. So we recruited photographer Jeremy Sykes, art director David Jayne and one cozy pink love seat to help.

Second, if you’re thinking of voting in November to try and reject the marriages of these people, why not meet them first?

Because it turns out that marriage is marriage. Gays and lesbians fall in love the same way everybody else does. They bicker over the same things, have the same hopes and dreams for their kids. Who knew?

So come take a spin on our splendid pink couch. Meet the newlyweds.

Gretchen Bender, 37, consultant, trustee, Sacramento County Board of Education; and Lisa Rabo, 32, emergency medical technician
Years together: 3

How did you meet?

Lisa was the barista at the Starbucks I visited for coffee every morning.

Who proposed?

I purchased the ring in March 2006 in anticipation of proposing during our planned trip to Mexico that summer. In May, however, our friends across the street decided to elope to Lake Tahoe on a whim. They brought back lots of beautiful pictures, which they showed us over a bottle of wine. When they left, I asked Lisa, “What would you do if I asked you to marry me?” She replied, “I’d say yes!” So I grabbed the ring, took a knee and said, “Well, just do it then … please say yes.” She burst into tears. Totally bawling. She couldn’t breathe or talk. I had to calm her down before she finally said yes.

Did either of you wear white?

We both wore white.

What was your first married fight about?

We really don’t fight. We argue a bit, but never about anything big. She hates that I can never find my keys. I hate that she can never remember when and where she is supposed to go for any kind of event, appointment, etc.

Is there anything about being married that doesn’t excite you?

The continued distinction that our marriage is different or wrong.

What’s the best marriage advice you’ve gotten so far?

Cut each other some slack!

Did the sex change after you got married?

It changed before we got married! Don’t tell Lisa I said that!

Whose family will you go to on Thanksgiving? At Christmas?

My family lives in San Diego, so we usually spend the winter holidays with Lisa’s family in Chico. We spend summer holidays with my family.

Are there places outside your home where you feel comfortable showing your affection for each other?

Almost everywhere in Sacramento. Everyone is warm and open. I love this town!

Your thoughts on the future of marriage equality in California and the United States?

Like interracial marriages, which were much more taboo than same-gender marriages are now, this will all blow over. People will see that the world is not going to come crashing down, their own marriages will not fall apart and life will go on.

Carin Humphrey, 30, mom to be; and Becky Johnson, 36, manager at Ikea
Years together: 12

How did you meet?

Becky was shopping at Crossroads and took home more than a new shirt!

Who proposed?

Becky bought Carin a diaper bag for her birthday. When Carin opened it, there was a box with a ring inside. Becky said, “The only thing missing from our perfect life is us getting married. Will you do me the honors?”

Best wedding present?

Our baby boy on the way!

Tell us about your wedding night.

Good girls don’t kiss and tell!

What is the benefit of marriage you will enjoy most?

Knowing that our son will officially have two parents, and not just a mommy and her partner.

Are there places outside your home where you feel comfortable showing your affection for each other?

Everywhere; we love each other.

Your thoughts on the future of marriage equality in California and the United States?

With people like Britney Spears getting married for only 52 hours, people like us, who have been together for 12 years, should have the same right.

Ed Bennett, 49, computer programmer; and Todd Vlaanderen, 45, attorney
Years together: 6

Best wedding present?

In lieu of gifts, all of our friends brought bottles of wine to drink at our 2004 reception, but Todd’s parents paid for a beautiful Hawaiian honeymoon. We did not want gifts for our June 17, 2008, marriage, but the best present will be when California says no to the marriage initiative this November.

What is the benefit of marriage you will enjoy most?

Feeling for the first time that we can call each other “husband” without it just being a euphemism for domestic partner. It’s very cool.

Were your parents invited to the wedding?

Absolutely! Todd’s parents both participated in our initial commitment ceremony in 2004 and his mother has since passed away, but his dad came out from Salt Lake City to be here for us for the marriage ceremony. Ed’s parents were invited but unable to attend. They live in the East and do not travel because of their age.

Who cleans the lint trap on the dryer?

There’s a lint trap?

How have you managed to stay together?

We respect one another, we listen to one another, we understand one another’s faults as well as strengths, we never ever try to change one another and we love each other unconditionally.

Boyce Hinman, 69, lobbyist; and Larry Beaty, 69, retired
Years together: 37

Best wedding present?

The best wedding present would be federal legislation to overturn the federal Defense of Marriage Act, which denies federal recognition of same-sex marriages that occur legally in the States. The second best wedding present would be a donation to the Lambda Letters Project to help us continue working toward federal recognition of our marriages, as well as other issues of importance to the community.

What was your first married fight about?

Money.

What is the benefit of marriage you will enjoy most?

The greater likelihood that the rights and financial security needed by the surviving spouse will be protected when one of us passes away. We are almost 70, after all.

Is there anything about being married that doesn’t excite you?

Filling out the income-tax forms. It is a nuisance to have to fill out either joint or married-filing-separately state forms but being required to file separate forms for federal taxes. The two systems should be in sync.

Are there places outside your home where you feel comfortable showing your affection for each other?

In our first four years in Sacramento, from 1980 to 1984, our neighbors tried to drive us out of the neighborhood with rocks through our windows, threatening phone calls and notes and vandalism. One started a fire on our front porch. It did not end until we successfully prosecuted one of the culprits. As a result, sadly, we tend not to display overt acts of affection outside of our home. Just in gay settings.

How have you managed to stay together?

Through lots of work, lots of forgiving and giving lots of respect to the different things that each of us care most about. We both realize that life is so much better having someone to share it with than it would be alone.

Are you two gonna have kids?

We have three children. Two of them are calico—Mona and Cookie—and one of them is black—Blackie, of course.

Dawn Deason, 51, public affairs; and Patricia Stackpole, 43, teacher
Years together: 7

Best wedding present?

Cash. We spent it on furniture and honeymoon plans.

Tell us about your wedding night.

None of your beeswax. Embassy Suites with family.

Tell us about your honeymoon.

Maui. Five days. Fun. The details are also none of your beeswax.

What was your first married fight about?

There has not been a fight yet. We are still waiting for make-up sex.

What is the benefit of marriage you will enjoy most?

Dawn: Love and companionship. Pat: Sex on demand.

Is there anything about being married that doesn’t excite you?

Filing federal taxes separately and state taxes jointly.

Who does the dishes? Who pays the bills?

You are kidding, right? We are equal partners. When something needs to be done, one of us does it. Why do you feel the need to force roles onto gay partnerships?

Ouch. Are there places outside your home where you feel comfortable showing your affection for each other?

We are affectionate in public but within tasteful boundaries, which is more than we can say for many straight couples we see around town.

Are you two gonna have kids?

No! We’re going to travel instead.

Kelly McAllister, 27, compliance auditor for an insurance company; and Marci Burba, 47, group leader for a software company and photographer
Years together: 5

Who proposed?

That’d be Marci. She asked me at the Monarch’s season-opener game in 2006. She had some friends in another section holding a banner that read “Will you be mine?” and she pointed it out to me; when I turned back around to her, she was on one knee. I was totally clueless; I couldn’t believe she was able to pull one over on me. I thought I was hip to everything. It was very sweet and thoughtful.

Best wedding present?

The gift of legal marriage. Without a doubt.

Did either of you wear white?

We both wore some white. It was over 90 degrees!

Is there anything about being married that doesn’t excite you?

Well, the fact that the federal government still does not recognize our marriage is a bit of a bummer.

Who does the dishes? Who pays the bills?

We both pay the bills. Debt is an equal-opportunity employer. Kelly does the cooking. It’s Kelly’s kitchen, Marci knows better than to interfere.

How have you managed to stay together?

Lots of love, passion, patience, laughs, humility and respect.

Sharon Marques, 43; and Ande Hiller, 39, online retail business owners
Years together: 8

Did either of you wear white?

No, the first official time we got married was February 16, 2004, in San Francisco, and we were in our sweats and tie-dye shirts. We had been outside in the rain and wind since midnight, and then they suddenly announced that we could go in early, and we were parked too far away to get to our change of clothes.

Tell us about your honeymoon.

We will be going to Hawaii in October, although everyday is a honeymoon for us!

What was your first married fight about?

We haven’t had a fight yet in our relationship. I know it sounds unbelievable, but we are in sync and don’t have any occasions to fight.

What is the benefit of marriage you will enjoy most?

Just knowing that in the eyes of the law, we are partners and able to make decisions for one another and are considered family.

Were your parents invited to the wedding?

Sharon’s parents, grandmother and brother will be present on Saturday. Ande’s mom passed in January, but she will be with us in spirit. She wanted this for us but wasn’t able to see it come true.

Ben Phillips-Lesenana, 35, financial services; and Lonny Phillips, 36, SMUD office specialist
Years together: 14

Tell us about your wedding night.

Gentlemen don’t kiss and tell.

Is there anything about being married that doesn’t excite you?

The negativity and gloom being perpetuated by others is always a drawback to anyone’s happy moments, even ours. It’s difficult to understand how our love and willingness to declare our ongoing commitment to one another before our family and friends causes any harm to those who don’t agree with our marriage.

What’s the best marriage advice you’ve gotten so far?

It’s one we received quite sometime ago and still follow today. “Don’t go to bed angry,” has always stuck with us. And, yes, there were nights where, like it or not, we were up until 2 or 3 in the morning working things out, and had to be up for work at 6 or 7.

Were your parents invited to the wedding?

Lonny’s mom and dad were there today for our vows and will be back when we restate them again in August. Unfortunately, my mother was on a long-awaited and preplanned trip to Manila, Philippines. However, she sent her blessings and will also be in attendance in August. In fact, each of them has always been loving and supportive of our relationship and us.

Who does the dishes? Who pays the bills?

That would be Lonny and, again, Lonny.

Who cleans the lint rap on the dryer?

Surprise! That would be Lonny. Wait, what is it that I actually do? I forgot how much Lonny really does.

What is the benefit of marriage you will enjoy most?

The fact we can finally say we are truly married to one another would be one of the best benefits of all.

Kel Munger, journalist; and Sheryl Beauvais, toxicologist: both 48
Years together: 17

How did you meet?

Which time? Kel says we met at a bar in 1979. Sheryl says we met at a coffeehouse in 1980. We both agree that we had our first real conversation at the Des Moines gay-pride march in 1981. But we didn’t get together until we were finally both single at the same time, which took about 10 years.

Who proposed?

We took turns.

Best wedding present?

We’re hoping it will be the defeat of the anti-marriage initiative in November.

Did either of you wear white?

Sheryl’s wearing a white shirt. Kel suspects lightning would strike her if she tried to wear white.

What is the benefit of marriage you will enjoy most?

Let’s see. We’ve had “better” (living in Vermont for two years and then moving to California), “worse” (two years in Missouri—argh!), “richer” (getting the credit cards paid off), “poorer” (student loans for two), “sickness” (Sheryl had a stroke last year), “health” (she’s fully recovered—yippee!). As for the “till death do us part,” well, we’re not in any hurry to get to that one.

How have you managed to stay together?

Lots of patience. All of it Sheryl’s.

Are you two gonna have kids?

We have one cat, Scully. That’s all we can handle.

Joseph Weems, 51, analyst; and Randy Won, 39, engineer
Years together: 10

How did you meet?

We met at The Open Book gay bookstore and coffee shop. Randy was studying for his engineering exam. I saw him and thought he was so cute.

Best wedding present?

A handwritten message from Mary Jo [Joseph’s mentor of 34 years].

What is the benefit of marriage you will enjoy most?

Knowing that if anything happens to me, Randy will not have to fight to keep all the toys.

What’s the best marriage advice you’ve gotten so far?

Make love often and well.

Were your parents invited to the wedding?

No, we were married at the County Clerk’s office and only invited our witnesses.

Is there anything about being married that doesn’t excite you?

Joseph: My in-laws.

Did the sex change after you got married?

No, it is still great.

Your thoughts on the future of marriage equality in California and the United States?

I personally believe that marriage for same-sex couples will be countrywide in five years. I think it will end up in the federal Supreme Court, and just as blacks can now marry whites, I think it will be the same.