Mr. Telemarketer, please phone me

This October 1, most telemarketers were forbidden to ring any number on the U.S. government’s “Do Not Call” registry. California has its own list. About 100 million consumers have registered to be on the list, and it grows daily. More than 10 million signed up within four days of its June 27 launch.

A lot of my friends are irritated at the telemarketing industry. With advances in technology, the industry inundates us with autodialing and pre-recorded messages. Predictive dialing, which places more calls than the telemarketer can handle, results in disconnected calls, yet another irritant. The government claims 104 million calls are made each day by telemarketers. No wonder many people are fed up with the telemarketing industry.

I am not on the list! I enjoy the telemarketers who phone, usually at dinnertime and up to 9 p.m. I love the telemarketers who can barely speak English and call me “Mr. Pow,” or ask, “Are you the men of the house?”

I love the way they read their scripts with such enthusiasm. I get excited, especially at all the money I can save by switching to MCI, Sprint, AT&T, et cetera. Or what a great deal I can get on a mini satellite dish, or lower mortgage payments, or how I can consolidate all my debt into one easy payment, or how a new windshield can be installed in my car tomorrow.

The message that intrigues me most is the robotic female voice that states that I have won four days in Orlando or an all-expenses-paid vacation to Las Vegas. I can’t wait to hear the latest info on aluminum siding, concrete roofing tiles, NASA-inspired air conditioning, never-repaint exterior paint, plastic dual-pane windows, or electronic pest- and bug-control devices.

I love surveys—the longer the better. During the last survey I took, the woman stated that I would be representing 1,000 Californians.

Yes, Mr. Telemarketer, “Mr. Pow” is sitting at home just waiting for the telephone to ring. For I am surely the only one in America waiting for you to call.