Mooch off this

My daughter dropped out of college and moved back home. It’s like it was when she was in high school: We argue about her curfew, she fails to follow through on chores and her room stinks like a pigsty. I clean her room when she won’t because I can’t stand having rotting food and trash in my home. Her father and I are at our wits’ end, but don’t want to throw her out of the house. She is not working, and we do give her spending money so she can enjoy time with her friends. I do enjoy doing her laundry and cooking her favorite foods. But how can we get her to clean up her act?

By not treating her like she is incapable of responsibility. Have a family meeting and admit that you and your husband have failed her by not preparing her to live well with others or on her own. Explain that she will no longer receive spending money, but there is a possibility of continuing to live at home if she keeps her room clean and completes chores. Explain that living rent-free is contingent on attending college and receiving grades of C-plus or better. Tell her that she must find a part-time job to help pay for those college expenses or be involved in volunteer work with one organization on a weekly basis. Be clear that if she is unwilling to meet these new rules you will help her to find a new place to live, perhaps with another family member. (Be certain that your relative makes the same demands that you have established.) Give your daughter 24 hours to consider the new rules then ask her to sign a contract with you. If she resists, explain that it is no different than the agreements one signs when renting an apartment or committing to an education plan. Then invest the money you have been giving her into therapy sessions for her and parenting books and classes for you and your husband. Above all, grow a backbone. If your daughter refuses to follow through, be certain that you do not fail her again by allowing her to remain at home without consequences.

I found Internet dating awkward and humbling. It’s hard to put myself out there, but I have met some nice women, and that’s good, because you can never have too many friends. However, I’m wondering what I should do when I reach out to someone that I’m interested in and don’t hear back? Are there proper rules of communication etiquette, or is it more like if you don’t hear back, move on?

Don’t take the lack of response personally. Some women (and men) who post dating profiles are inundated with potential suitors and simply can’t respond to the hundreds of e-mails received. Others are not current members of the site, but have kept their photo and profile visible, instead of choosing the “hide profile” option when their subscription ends. They can’t respond to you unless they part with another $40. Other women may have read your e-mail or profile, but didn’t sense a spark. Past experience has taught these gals that some seekers treat any response as encouragement. That’s why they decide not to respond at all. Others are fearful of hurting a stranger’s feelings and that’s why they don’t answer your inquiries. (And, yes, it is actually kinder to click on the “not interested” button.) Of course, many women are just busy and in a culture of immediate gratification; few potential partners want to wait. Nor should you have to. Follow the yellow brick road to an attraction that is mutual and don’t worry too much about e-etiquette.