Machete

To be clear: There is no right Mexican to fuck with, necessarily, but anybody who fucks with Machete will indeed have fucked with the wrong Mexican—which is to say that Robert Rodriguez, co-scripting with Álvaro Rodríguez and co-directing with Ethan Maniquis, has made good on the promise of his fake trailer from Grindhouse by serving up a spicy enchilada full of heat and noise and boobs and blood. Danny Trejo stars as the eponymous renegade ex-Federale, hired by a scumbag (Jeff Fahey) to kill a hateful Texas senator (Robert De Niro), then double-crossed and forced to sharpen his blades. With Cheech Marin as a shotgun-toting priest, Steven Seagal as a hulking drug lord, and eye candy in the form of Michelle Rodriguez, Jessica Alba and Lindsay Lohan, it’s a clever heckler of American cultural and political priorities—or just a rewardingly rubbishy parable of knowing the score, getting the women and killing the bad guys.