Love, at any cost

Many of us bemoan the commercialism of Valentine’s Day, the crowds at dinner, the pressure to find that perfect romantic gift, but the fact remains: If you are in a romantic relationship you must make some type of gesture toward the spirit of the holiday. The question is whether you’ll go all out and spare no expense, or opt for a sweet token of love that won’t break the bank. Are you a baller or a baller on a budget? Suggestions for both follow:

Baller option

Ella Dining Room & Bar

Prix fixe Valentine’s Day Dinner

$135 per person

Many chefs tend to play it safe on big ticket, prix fixe holiday meals—loading the menu with the same high-ticket items, such as foie gras and truffles, that you’ll find anywhere. Not so at Ella Dining Room & Bar, where executive chef Rob Lind sounds jazzed about the decadent menu he has planned, including the amuse-bouche (“a perfect cube of yellowfin tuna, plated on a Chinese soup spoon” and topped with a tempura sea bean) and a New York strip steak that’s “showered” with perigord truffles. Oh, and there’s a dessert comprised of a milk-chocolate terrine topped with Frangelico chantilly. Also worthy of mention are the “plump, juicy and really big” wood-roasted quail from Diamond H Ranch in south Texas, flown in, as Lind says, because “it’s a Randall Selland thing—Randall said ‘I want you to use this quail, because it’s the best.’”

Despite all this meaty richness, Lind is equally enthusiastic about the vegetarian option, which includes pillowy, handmade stuffed agnolotti pasta, served under a blanket of the aforementioned truffles so vegetarians can ball, too. Either option includes a bottle of Laurent-Perrier champagne. Reservations required. 1131 K Street, (916) 443-3772, www.elladiningroomandbar.com.

Baller on a budget

Cafe Colonial

The Traveling Chef’s Valentine’s Day Vegan Brunch Feast

$30 per person

Although he no longer resides in Sacramento, punk musician and cookbook author Joshua Ploeg still has a soft spot for the River City and comes through often, peddling his fanciful, playful vegan wares. (Tip: Sign up for his mailing list to receive email blasts about dinner parties and food pickups) This Valentine’s Day he is hosting a five-course pop-up meal at the Cafe Colonial. The brunch choices include blackberry walnut heart-shaped minipancakes, pesto croquettes stuffed with Greek olive tapenade, a vegan Monte Cristo sandwich and a red velvet cake with cocoa and berry sorbet and chocolate sauce. Nonalcoholic beverages include coffee, tea and a currant spritzer—all included in the price. Alcoholic beverages will be for sale at the cafe. Plus, Ploeg promises diners will also “get a cute homemade card and chocolates from me.” Sweet. Reservations are required, so email thetravelingchef@gmail.com for more information. Noon-2 p.m., 3522 Stockton Boulevard, www.facebook.com/events/1544704432508790.

Baller sex toy

Autonomous Love

Njoy Pure Wand

$110

Nestled into a box with a pink satin lining, this stainless steel wand looks more like an objet d’art than a sex toy. Like a Jeff Koons balloon dog—for your butt! Or vagina. This gently curved toy is equal opportunity, for “your favorite spot—G or P” as the directions say. Autonomous Love owner Paul Imagine points out that the wand can be warmed up in a bowl of warm water, and that some people like to pop it in the fridge for a few minutes for a delightfully cool sensation. The freezer is not recommended, however, if you’d like to avoid A Christmas Story tongue-stuck-to-the-flagpole type of moment that could harsh that sexy vibe. 2419 J Street, (916) 662-7140, www.facebook.com/Autonomouslove.

Baller on a budget

Goldie’s Adult Superstore

Climax Silicone Vibrating Love Bullet

$13.99

Back in the ’90s, Goldie’s used to be just about the only game in town, sex-store-wise, but now that we have G Spot in Midtown, and the aforementioned Autonomous Love, is there any reason for anyone, especially a female, to venture into the worse-for-wear, cinder block, razor-wire-ringed bunker that is Goldie’s? Turns out on a recent Sunday afternoon, this clean, well-stocked store was empty except for two cheery female clerks debating whether they were going to take their daughters to see Disney’s Frozen On Ice—so, perhaps. Low overhead means Goldie’s has low prices, and this 3-inch, nubbly silicone vibe offered in a “blue pop” color is cute enough to make your girl exclaim “awwww” before she turns it on and starts to say “oooohhh.” 201 N. 12th Street, (916) 447-5860, www.adultmegastores.com.

Baller chocolates

Ginger Elizabeth Chocolates

Hatbox assortment, sizes small to deluxe

$60-$180

Does your boo or bae have extremely refined tastes? Does she turn her nose up at gauche Victoria’s Secret undies and favor discreet La Perla lace? Will young domestic whiskey never cross his lips? Then the understated luxe of a Ginger Elizabeth hatbox may be the way to go. There is a range in size and price, but all of the hatboxes feature cocoa nib shortbread cookies, assorted truffles and chocolate bars and a tin of Ginger Elizabeth’s justly storied hot chocolate mix. Packaged in a white hatbox with cotton ribbon for those who are turned off by unnecessary kitsch and sparkle. 1801 L Street, Suite 60; (916) 706-1738; http://gingerelizabeth.com.

Baller on a budget

Kobasic’s Candies

Heart-shaped candy box

Prices vary

If Ginger Elizabeth’s clean white atmosphere and hushed seriousness is all just a little too Williamsburg for you, then Kobasic’s Candies is its antithesis. This is basically your Nana’s sitting room reconfigured as a candy store—replete with pastel tones and stuffed animals abounding. There are empty heart-shaped boxes for sale that range from about $5-$10 depending on fanciness and size (options offered include a half-pound and much, much bigger), and some of the box designs will definitely scratch a retro itch. The candies themselves, some of which are called “kruffles”—i.e., “Kobasic’s truffle”—are handmade with love and cost $24.95 a pound. According to shop owner Nancy Kobasic, one of the kruffles uses balsamic vinegar to enhance its flavor and the shop’s No. 1 seller is salted vanilla caramel. Indeed, Kobasic’s was ahead of the curve on the salting candy trend—they’ve been doing it for a good decade. The salted English toffee is a shatteringly crisp, meltingly luscious version of this confection—a klassic! 5324 Riverside Boulevard, (916) 448-3555, http://kobasicscandies.com.

Baller sparkling wine

Corti Brothers

Magnum of Piper-Heidsieck Rose Sauvage champagne

$137.29

When you think “baller,” what comes to mind? Likely yachts, Rolls-Royces and … magnums of champagne. This bottle of bubbly has a special Valentine’s Day touch—it’s a sparkling rose that actually pours a deep red color and sports a bright magenta label. The wine is a blend of pinot noir, pinot meunier and chardonnay, and exhibits notes of tart raspberry and a balanced acidity. Plus, you’ll just look like a boss if you bring it out to dinner. 5810 Folsom Boulevard, (916) 736-3800, http://cortibrothers.com.

Baller on a budget

58 Degrees and Holding Co.

Bugey-Cerdon “La Cueille”

$23

If the Rose Sauvage is the Rick Ross of sparkling rose—big and flashy—this bottle is the Chance The Rapper—interesting and intellectual. With an insanely low ABV (8 percent), it’s fruity, intensely carbonated and lightly sweet. Pair this refreshing blend of poulsard and gamay with some French cheese for a light Valentine’s Day repast and you may even have enough energy left after the meal to get lucky, which after all, is what the holiday is all about. 1217 18th Street, (916) 442-5858, www.58degrees.com.