Losing it in Spain

Planning a European excursion, vegan friends? In the early aughts, spending time in northern Spain meant constant hunger. I learned the hard way that ordering food “vegetariano” always included the “vegetable” tuna and that Spanish culture is obsessed with pork (Google “Museo del Jamón,” translation: ham museum). You might have to resort to drinking gazpacho out of a carton because one of the only two vegetarian restaurants in Madrid won’t seat you, and if, out of desperation, you eat muffins made with eggs, you may witness a man pleasuring himself in broad daylight at El Retiro Park while leering at adolescent girls as disturbing karmic retribution. But, hey, you’ll come home several pounds lighter.