Local licks

10 Suspects Murder Mystery Dinner Theatre
When are they going to get better security? Every time I eat there at least five people are murdered in plain view!

9 Rob Cockerham
The Cockeyed.com figurehead looks too good to be a webmaster. He’s clearly been placed here by the ancient space demon Xenu to enslave us all!

8 Sacramento Magazine
I’m not saying they don’t have integrity, but features like “Top 10 Doctors in Sacramento who Bought Ads in our Magazine” kind of suck.

7 1320 AM
The station hooks you in with promo spots from The Daily Show and The Colbert Report, then you’re stuck with the wit and wisdom of Enid Goldstein on the drive home.

6 The closing of Tower Records
It was sad to see it go out of business, but at least the closeout sale finally made Tower’s overpriced CDs affordable.

5 Drinking ban on the American River
Thanks for taking away the only reason to go to Rancho Cordova!

4 Late-night news teasers
“Find out which Sacramento street is going to blow up at 10 p.m., tonight at 11!”

3 Hobo pee
The official scent of downtown K Street is the first major hurdle in revitalizing this area.

1 The Maloof brothers
From their classless handling of Rick Adelman’s final season to their lack of vision for a new arena, these guys have the worst PR skills in sports. At least there’s some wallet relief for fans who won’t have to shell out any cash to attend the playoffs this year.