Less filling, tastes great

For you highbrow types
The Crest Theatre can always be counted on to deliver intellectually stimulating cinema of the finest quality. That’s why it surprises no one that the Crest is home to the Trash Film Orgy—six weeks of B (minus) movies about ass-kicking, blood-licking, zombie-sticking good times. The trash escapes the can June 29 for Trash ’til Dawn, an all-night marathon to open the festival. Cult director Ray Dennis Steckler will appear for a live screening of his super-hero-rock-star-on-a-ratcycle-battles-Kogar-the-Ape thriller Rat Pfink A Boo Boo on August 3. Though the full lineup has yet to be released, the Orgy’s organizers promise “all genres will be represented: Monster, Mexican Wrestling and Transgender Bingo Killers.” 1013 K St. Check www.trashfilmorgy.com for updates.

Less filling, tastes great
Regular Shakespeare too heavy for your taste? Try Shakespeare Lite! The Sacramento City College Players have condensed the great works of The Bard into hour-long portions for your lunch break entertainment. Bring a brown bag repast to St. Rose of Lima Park on 7th and K streets at noon on Thursdays for your serving of Shakespeare. Romeo and Juliet plays May 30 and June 6. As You Like It follows on June 13 and June 20. A Doctor in Spite of Himself (technically not Shakespeare, but who’s going to complain?) finishes the season on June 27 and July 11. All performances are free. Call 442-2500 for more information.

BYOP(opcorn)
Yahoo! The outdoor movies in Old Sacramento are back! The Starlight Movie Series begins June 20. The film lineup has yet to be announced, but if you show up at Waterfront Park (Front Street between K and L streets) sometime around dusk with your beach chair and box of Raisinettes, you’ll be fine. Visit www.oldsacramento.com for more information.

You & Tom Cruise
This is the summer you take on adventure sports. You want the adrenaline-pumping risk, the gonzo Mountain Dew commercial workout, the daring and harrowing anecdotes to impress your date. This summer, you want to hang from a sheer cliff face like Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible 2! Oh yeah, and you want to avoid dying in the process. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to go to PipeWorks and learn the basics of rock climbing (Lesson 1: How Not to Die) on their 10,000 square feet of indoor mountain. Here’s a secret straight from the IMF agents: on June 12 and August 7, PipeWorks will host a Super Summer Special with free climbing classes for first-time visitors. Classes are at 4:30 p.m., 6 p.m. and 7 p.m. 116 N. 16th St. Call 341-0100 or visit www.sacgym.com for more information. This message will self-destruct.

Ready, set, date!
You’ve tried meat market bar scenes, Internet personal ads and countless fix-ups from well-meaning friends and you still don’t have a date for The Heritage Festival? Maybe a speed date will help you find some summer lovin’. In the speed-dating universe, an equal number of men and women meet for an evening of timed conversations. Everyone pairs up and chats for eight minutes, a timer goes off and you’re on to the next “date” until everyone’s had a chance to talk. The next day, you find out which of your 8-minute interests wants to see you again. Your contact information is only released if you want to see them, too. It’s simple, efficient and it spares the ego! Speed dates are held weekly at Zigato’s in the Howe ’bout Arden shopping center. $35 includes a round of speed dates and appetizers. (There’s also a no-host bar, should you require a double shot of social skills.) Call It’s A Date! at 789-9489 or visit www.iadweb.com for more information.

Farm fresh to you
Looking for sweet strawberries to top your vanilla ice cream or ripe cherry tomatoes to garnish your summer salad? The produce you buy at a farmers’ market is picked from the fertile Central Valley farmland hours before it lands in your shopping bag. There’s no fresher option anywhere!

Downtown Certified Farmers’ Markets are 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. on Tuesdays at Roosevelt Park, 10th and P streets; Wednesdays at Cesar Chavez Plaza, 10th and I streets; and Friday at Dowtown Plaza. Through November 21. Call 442-2500 for more information.

The farmers’ market under the freeway operates every Sunday from 8 a.m. to noon year-round, 3rd and X streets, under the overpass. Davis Farmers’ Market happens 8 a.m. to noon on Saturdays and 4:30 to 8:30 p.m. on Wednesdays (with live music and international food). Central Park, 4th and C streets, Davis. Through September 25. Call 756-1695 for more information.

Denio’s Farmers’ Market offers Northern California’s largest selection of farm fresh produce 8 a.m. to 2 p.m. on Fridays and 7 a.m. to 5 p.m. on weekends year-round. 1551 Vineyard Rd., Roseville. Call 782-2704 for more information.

Under the stars, mind you!
This year marks the 20th anniversary of the Fair Oaks Theatre Festival—bringing you thespian thrills under the stars, in Plaza Park, in the undeniably charming Old Fair Oaks Village since 1982! Bring your friends and a pre-play picnic and settle in for one of this year’s promising productions. For the kids, there’s Sleeping Beauty on Saturday at 10 a.m. and noon from July 6 through July 27. Tickets are $3. For the kids and everyone else, the festival will reprise the 1996 starlit success The Pop! Mikado. It’s just like the Gilbert and Sullivan version, except for a few surprises (hint: disco, rap and rock will be incorporated). The Pop! Mikado plays Friday through Sunday at 8:30 p.m. from June 21 through July 28, as well as the occasional Thursday evening. Tickets are $12 for adults, $4 for children. Call 966-3683 for more information.

Fill your live music quota
You want to get into the Sacramento music scene, but you’re unsure which performers will shake your groove thang. If you come to the Sacramento Heritage Festival, you can sample a heaping helping of local talent for very little money. On June 1 and 2, more than 100 area bands, DJs, gospel choirs and soloists will convene for a multi-stage, multi-genre musical celebration. The list of performers is far too long to include, but here’s a teaser: Forever Goldrush, Sardonics, Broun Felinis, The CUF, DJ Dragn’fly, Bucho!, Slam Buckra, Anton Barbeau, WD Gospel, Jackie Greene, Beer Dawgs, LUXT and Tenfold. Of course, that impressive list of musical might is only the beginning. Tickets are $10 per day for adults. Children 12 and under are free. Parking is $5 per car, so carpool on out to Gibson Ranch on Elverta Road. For more information, visit www.sacheritagefest.com or call 481-2583.

Stroke on the water
You rise early on a summer morning before the heat comes up and head out to the Port of Sacramento to greet the river. While the rest of the city snores into their pillows, you and your teammates are rowing in synchronicity, gliding silently along the river. You breathe fresh air and marvel at your surface-level view of the water.

If this sounds like your ideal summer pastime, take advantage of River City Rowing Club’s “Learn to Row” summer offer. This on-the-water course will teach beginners to row in four- or eight-person crews in three weeks. The final class includes a picnic and a race. The cost is $125 and classes begin May 26, June 15, July 7 and July 27. For more information, call 419-7088 or visit www.rivercityrowing.org