In the beginning

You may have talked to friends returning from their honeymoon and heard “Oh, it was wonderful!#&148; You also may have met other couples who returned hardly speaking to one another. What happened? What made the difference?

In modern society, there is a clear purpose for the honeymoon. It is a time to begin the synergy of melding two people into one unit while preserving their individuality. Even couples that have been together for years find that marriage changes the relationship they had. So, the honeymoon should encourage the bride and groom to begin defining their new roles as husband and wife.

The honeymoon should not expose you, as a couple, to unnecessary problems. For example, does the following conversation sound familiar? “Where should we eat?” “I don’t know, where do you want to go?” “I picked the place last night, now it’s your turn.” Does it sound like the beginning of a conflict? This same back-and-forth play could occur when discussing activities, shopping or sightseeing, especially if cost and value are considerations. These conflicts prevent you from concentrating on one another and they should be avoided as much as possible.

Ways to reduce artificial conflicts include:

Select an all-inclusive resort or take a cruise. Most of the dining details and daily activities are already taken care of, so you don’t have to plan or schedule to a great extent.

If you want to travel and see new places, select an exotic destination and travel with a small group. The exotic location will give you fond memories. Traveling with a group takes care of the transportation, dining and safety details and allows you to concentrate on one another and the joint adventure.

Don’t go to a foreign destination that either of you has already visited. You don’t want to reminisce and make your spouse feel left out. Save this trip for another time when it is more appropriate to share past experiences. On your honeymoon, the future is important.

If you go to a resort destination such as Hawaii, Tahiti or Fiji, or to a romantic city like Paris, take a lot of time to plan. Make a list of activities, restaurants and sightseeing destinations, and roughly sketch in when you want to do the things selected. Leave some flexibility so you are not “trapped” by a schedule. Be sure everything fits into your budget.

With some thoughtful planning, you can prevent the minor conflicts that can trigger bigger conflicts. Then you can use your honeymoon as the start of a new life together and concentrate on cementing the bond that started on your wedding day. Together, look to the future with excitement. Then talk about your wonderful honeymoon when you return.