Immortals

In the ancient days after the defeat of the Titans by the Olympians, a brutal king (Mickey Rourke) invades Greece seeking the so-called Bow of Epirus, with which he will conquer the world and release the Titans to destroy the Olympians. Greek-American writers Charles and Vlas Parlapanides bastardize their own cultural heritage (and that of the rest of Western civilization) with a pompous and idiotic story peppered with irrelevant names from Greek myth (Theseus, Hyperion, Phaedra, Lysander, Icarus), getting everything wrong—their script even talks about “Hellenics” when it means “Hellenes.” Tarsem Singh directs with an eye for vulgar displays of color and cheesy CGI. The cast ranges from the skin-deep-pretty (Henry Cavill, Freida Pinto) to the should-have-known-better (Rourke, John Hurt, Stephen Dorff).