Her cherry chapstick

This cute girl where I grocery shop flirted with me so I flirted back. She started asking what I was doing on the weekend and showed up at bars and clubs where I said I’d be. She was always hammered and would hang all over me. One night at Faces, she kissed me, and we made out. The next day, she texted and said she didn’t remember anything because she was drunk. Later, I dropped by the store, and while we were talking her coworker asked if she was still dating “Lance.” She said yes. I was really hurt and left. She’s been blowing up my phone asking if I’m mad at her. She says she’s attracted to me but her family and friends wouldn’t understand because she’s never been with a girl before. I asked if she wanted to be with me, and she said yes, then she said no. I’m done, but she keeps texting and calling. It’s hard not to respond. What should I do?

Blame Rita Ora? Her summer anthem, “Girls,” (like Kay Perry’s 2008 “I Kissed a Girl”), encouraged some straight girls to think that kissing another girl is an act that accompanies “red wine” or having a “drink in hand.” By claiming to have been drunk, the straight girl can avoid responsibility—both for the kiss and for the feelings she stirred. You’ve been caught in that vortex. Exit now. Delete this woman’s number, unfollow her on Insta, and start shopping at another grocery store. By disconnecting, you demonstrate to yourself that you deserve to be treated with respect. Your crush may be working out her sexuality, she might be curious, she could even fantasize that she’s a rebel because she kissed a girl. None of that is any of your business. Focus on making choices that nurture your self-worth. Open your heart to a woman who knows who she is and who she wants. Otherwise, you’re grooming yourself for angst. What good is that?

After high school, I wasn’t ready to move away for college. I knew I was gay but wasn’t out to my family and wasn’t ready to be. I stayed in Sac and lived at home. I got my bachelor’s degree, a master’s degree and now, damn, it’s time to get out of town. I have a job and a place to live in San Diego, but I’m scared. What if I hate it? What if I’m lonely? Advice?

Moving is ranked among the top five life stressors, so the anxiety you feel is completely normal. Change is scary—and exciting. So if you’ve spent enough time scaring yourself, you may be ready to live the joy. Start here: You’re manifesting a long-term goal. Congratulations! You trust yourself to start fresh. If you don’t like your new home, stop comparing it to your old one. If you feel lonely, take yourself on dates to get better acquainted with yourself and San Diego. Learning to enjoy solitude is essential to adulting and to spiritual growth. Above all, allow at least a year, if not two, to settle into your new life.