Good vibrations

Has the sex-toy industry jumped on the green bandwagon?

Silly Republican, going green isn’t a bandwagon. It’s an acknowledgement of atmospheric truth. But the presence of small-minded morons like yourself in the crisis-ridden climate leads me to an urgent conclusion: that humankind must know great sex before our earth is swallowed up by the ocean.

Since you believe that going green is a fad, you probably deny the existence of harmful chemicals altogether. But you need to pull your head out of the National Rifle Association newsletter and stick it in a medical journal once in a while. Phthalates, the chemical compounds that soften plastic sex toys, have been linked to reproductive development problems in rodents and humans. A 2005 study in the Environmental Health Perspectives journal linked phthalate exposure to reproductive problems in males. And while a September 2004 study by Children’s National Medical Center and the George Washington University Medical Center, published in the same journal, didn’t find a correlation between male or female reproductive development and a different phthalate variation, are you really in the mood anymore? I didn’t think so.

There is good news. Or, rather, Good Vibrations (www.goodvibes.com). This fall, the San Francisco-based sex shop is phasing out adult toys containing phthalates. The store offers silicone, ceramic, wood and glass alternatives (yow!). Just look for a “P” with a slash through it on the label.

Now, you probably won’t ask how to properly dispose of your old vibrator, but I’ll tell you anyway. Unfortunately, battery-operated vibrators are considered trash in California, according to a spokesman for the Integrated Waste Management Board. But Rabbit Amnesty (www.lovehoney.co.uk/rabbit-amnesty) is pioneering an eco-minded approach to the toy’s disposal. Their reward system—a shiny new vibe for turning your old model over to their recycling procedure—is a way better incentive than nickels and dimes.

So make your sex life more sustainable. It’s just one more reason why liberals are better in bed.