Goal! The Dream Begins

A Mexican youth (Kuno Becker) who has been in the United States illegally for more than 10 years gets the chance to try out for a professional soccer team in England. A week later, he shows up in London, grabs a train for Newcastle and is on his way to becoming a worldwide star. The script, credited to Mike Jefferies, Adrian Butchart, Dick Clement and Ian La Frenais, is—not to mince words—utter hogwash. There isn’t one three-dimensional character or convincing line of dialogue, and the plot is simple-minded to the point of imbecility. Kuno Becker has little star quality; he simply takes up space on the screen. Incredibly, there are already two sequels in the works. Hopefully the careers of Anna Friel (as Becker’s girlfriend), Alessandro Nivola (his teammate) and Stephen Dillane (his mentor) all will recover.