Ginormous is a word
My older sister has cancer, and I am freaking out. I can barely stand to be around her. The cancer was discovered early and she will be able to make a full recovery, but I am embarrassed to say that I am jealous and resentful of the attention she is getting. Isn’t that weird? I love my sister, so I don’t understand what is going on with me. She is six years older and was like a mom to me growing up. Our mom died of cancer when I was entering grade school, but I don’t have many memories of that and don’t think the two situations are related.
Oh, sweetie! Of course the two life experiences are connected. The death of your mamacita was clearly a confusing event for you in childhood. As the adults bustled around tending to their feelings and to the business of death, you might have felt forgotten, even abandoned. Those primal feelings probably erupted in small ways over the years, but your sister’s cancer scare fully resuscitated your original pain. The good news (yes, life is bittersweet so there is always something worthwhile in suffering) is that it’s happening now. Your sorrow has risen from the depths of your history because you are ready for healing.
The six-year spread between you and your sister translates to this: She spent more time with mama than you did. Your first response to that reality is jealousy. Well, jealousy is just anger’s stepsister. Here’s what’s buried below: You think that you missed out on something important because you didn’t have a traditional mama. You fear that your life, your choices and your relationships would have been better if you did have a mama. Hey, can you really know that? No; mamas aren’t magic. If you step away from the Hallmark cards, you will realize that your life experiences are perfect for you because they made you who you are today. Your real work is to accept that you did not need the mama who died. That relationship is complete. You needed a sister-mama, so that’s what life gifted you with. If you can’t drop to your knees in thankfulness over that, you need to do some homework in gratitude. Here’s your first assignment: Make a list of everything you appreciate about yourself or your life and trace those qualities back to something your sister taught you. After a while, you will feel the love, and that is what you will become to her.
I’m on my third date with this guy, and we run into people he knows. One of the women hugs him like he’s a stripper pole and then stands inches away from him to chat. I’m totally uncomfortable. She keeps talking about something that he seriously seems like he doesn’t understand. Then she stripper pole hugs him again, rubs herself on him (seriously!) and asks him a favor. She may be a nice person, I don’t know, but she’s one of those sleazy dressed women with ginormous fake boobs, striped hair and painted-on jeans. She was there with a guy, so I was surprised at her behavior. And his. What do you think?
Your date doesn’t have good boundaries. If he did, he would have casually stepped back after his friend’s too-familiar hug and again when she moved closer. And he would have reached for you or stepped closer to you so it was obvious that you were a twosome. Either he’s not that into you and he’s keeping his options open, or he doesn’t really know how to treat a date. You deserve a man who knows what respect means. Ditch this guy and find one.
