Getaway green

In case you’re one of those “readers” who doesn’t “notice” things, this week’s An Inconvenient Ruth isn’t brought to you by your favorite Auntie, my sister. No, she’s on a wee vacation, basking in some heaven-forbid-dangerous UV sunshine along some far-flung coastal (nonendangered or fragile-ecosystem) seashore, miles away from deadlines, the Assembly Bill 32 debate and imminent climate doom. And me.

Yup, it’s Uncle Jerry’s turn to walk sis’ dog, cook his own locally sourced, slow-food meals and spin the wheel o’ inconvenience. So, as Bob Barker once told me during my 15 minutes o’ fame on The Price Is Right (right after urging me to neuter ol’ Leroy): “Spin it hard, Jer, spin it hard.” But, I blew my showcase-show down chance of a lifetime, so this week, you get the proverbial plan B: Jerry’s top five green vacation ideas, brought to you by a man who vacates pretty much every day, complete with circa-1993 La-Z-Boy, and my new, very eco-unfriendly, 42-inch Sony Bravia HDTV. Without further ado:

5. Two-wheel road trip! That’s right. A writer friend recently saddle-sored up and biked all the way to San Simeon from his humble Elk Grove home, just his Trek, a few Clif Bars and water in tow. He stopped at hotels and slept on the beach near Big Sur. VacateStrong, my friend, VacateStrong.

4. Take public transit. If you can’t bike like my buddy, choosing train or bus instead of car as the portal to your destination destiny is always better than huffing fumes over, say, the Grapevine as you piddle in to the Los Angeles Valley. Just because you’re on vacation doesn’t give you the right to forgo any carbon-footprint obligations, paid-time-off big shot.

3. Don’t use film. Reminder: This is 2010. You’re not Man Ray or Cindy Sherman, so it’s time to dump that rickety 35 mm shutterbugger and invest in a digital camera. Plus, you’ll save some cash and have all kinds of incriminating photos to pump up your Facebook page views—if that’s your thing.

2. Don’t do laundry. Laundry uses energy. And really, who wants to suds yer duds when you should be siestaing? I’m not saying you have to go commando, but please, spare the threads.

1. Psychedelics. I think we had this down pat in the 1960s: The greatest adventure is inside, the foremost unknown our own minds. Vacate away.