Feed me

OK, so I put a few cannabis plants in my garden this year because weed is legal, and now I have these giant monster pot plants in my backyard? What do I do?

—O. Verabondance

Congrats! This is what is known as “A good problem to have.” Being able to grow lots of weed is awesome! More proof that voting is important. But I digress. This is what you do: When the buds are ready (you can tell because the little crystals on the buds are just a bit cloudy and the leaves have started to curl in), cut down the plant, one branch at a time. No need to be a lumberjack about it. Plus, you don’t want to lose the THC crystals by shaking the plant too much. After you have harvested the branches, you have a few options. You could use those freshly cut buds to make resins and concentrates, i.e., “dabs.” There are plenty of tutorials on the ol’ YouTube that will show you how to do this. Dabs made from freshly harvested cannabis are considered to be more flavorful because the terpenes are at their freshest point. Kinda like how fresh picked corn is sweeter than corn from the supermarket because the corn’s sugars haven’t yet become starches. If you aren’t a big dabber, you will have to cure and store your cannabis. Set up a cool (60-70 degrees Fahrenheit) dark space with decent humidity levels (45-55 percent is the sweet spot). Some people like to trim their weed before they dry it, but I like to keep mine untrimmed while it cures, especially if the plan is for longterm storage. If you don’t have a cool, dark spot, paper grocery bags and a closet will do. Keep the bags slightly open, and move the buds around at least once a day. Curing is an art. It may take some time for you to find your favorite method. And: Be patient. It’s gonna take at least a week, probably longer, for the buds to be ready. Dry them out too fast, and you will end up with a very harsh smoke. Too slow, and you run the risk of mold.

After you have let it cure for a bit, and the buds are all sticky and pungent and the stems are kinda snappy, you can store your delicious weed in glass jars in a cool dark space. Oxygen and light are the natural enemies of THC. If stored properly, weed stays smokable for a few years. Hash stays good for dang near forever. You can use all the shake and trimmings to make cannabis-infused oils, butters, soaps, tinctures, bath bombs, massage oils and all sorts of things. Just in time for the holidays. Who wouldn’t want a nice batch of cannabis oil just in time for Danksgiving? Remember, California state law allows adults to give each other cannabis and cannabis products. Why? Because people voted to make it happen. Please vote.