Down that dog

In the world of professional competitive eating, size totally matters. That said, luck is often on the side of the skinny guy with wicked-fast jaws, a huge mouth and a stomach that can expand like a balloon—and not burst. Regurgitation is an immediate disqualification.

For the gurgitators (the technical term for competitive eaters, as used by the International Federation of Competitive Eating), technique also counts. Little tricks, such as dipping buns in water, consuming mass quantities of lettuce during training to expand the stomach and learning not to choke, can turn an amateur gustatory athlete into Takeru Kobayashi, the Japanese icon of competitive eating. And yes, he’s a skinny guy.

So it makes sense that the inaugural hot-dog-eating contest at Capitol Dawg should take place after people have spent Thanksgiving stuffing their faces with turkey goodness. Contestants will have seven minutes to consume as many hot dogs (with buns) as possible. Winners will get gift certificates, trophies and a fuzzy warm feeling—not from the heartburn—because all the money raised goes to Shriners Hospitals for Children. So that goes along with the whole giving thing for the holiday season.

There will be celebrity judges, and Petri Hawkins-Byrd, the bailiff from Judge Judy, will emcee. Contestants should have sponsors who pledge to donate money for every hot dog eaten. Even Capitol Dawg owner Mike Brown said he’ll donate money for the total amount of hot dogs eaten by each contestant. Aw, that’s so nice.