Dorm life for dandies

Some among us will fondly recall, of the college experience, an era of furniture improvised from milk crates, cinder blocks and unfinished plywood planks, accessorized with pizza crusts, dust bunnies and the wire tentacles of abundant electronic entertainment devices, power strips upon power strips. It was a simple, scrappy life, perhaps not conducive to the cultivation of intellect—nor, for that matter, to the cultivation of romance—but not lacking in creature comforts. Those days, alas, are over. Progress has been made, and consciousness raised. Now we have feng shui, the ancient art of cleaning up all the crap that clutters your life so that it doesn’t stress you out, depress the hell out of you or repel potential paramours. And we have a $10 workshop on feng shui for dorm rooms, at East West Books, 2216 Fair Oaks Boulevard (www.eastwestbooks.com), tonight from 7 to 9 p.m.

It will be taught by Mary Mieth, who has ushered the improved energies of countless Sacramento-area homes, offices and gardens and is now ready to take on that most formidably chaotic environment, the dormitory. Because this is short notice, and it’s reasonable to expect that two hours worth of fundamentals won’t be enough anyway, we feel compelled to mention that Mieth is also available for private consultation and may be reached at (916) 369-1166.

There are, of course, hopeless cases, for which minor adjustments won’t do and the power of feng shui must bow to the power of marketing gimmickry. Hence, the makers of Axe Shower Gel have announced their intention to reward “the nastiest, grimiest, dirtiest fraternity shower in America” with a $15,000 overhaul. Visit www.pimpmyfraternityshower.com for details.