Dating slut or advantageous courter

After a bad breakup, I avoided men. Now I’m ready to start dating again. I’ve always heard that you meet the best men by asking friends to fix you up. I told a co-worker to send eligible guys my way and that I planned to date several men at one time. She said that people would think I’m a slut. Is that true?

Don’t confuse dating around with sleeping around. Dating is spending time getting to know another person’s personality and character, not an invitation to unravel their deepest sexual secrets or favorite positions. If you’re searching for a partner, let the men you date know you’re seeing others. Give yourself time to build emotional intimacy with one guy that is steady and unshakeable. When it becomes staggeringly clear that he is the best partner for you, agree to be exclusive. At that point, trust and respect are established so you can make sane choices about physical intimacy. Following these steps tends to reduce drama tremendously, which is a great advantage if you prefer living with serenity and joy.

Why are Sacramento-area drivers so rude? I moved here six months ago from the Bay Area and can’t believe the way local drivers treat pedestrians. If you start walking across a street and a vehicle drives up to stop at a stop sign, that vehicle will begin turning toward you by the time you are halfway across the street. Don’t drivers know that they should stop until the pedestrian is out of the road? Why do they try to intimidate pedestrians?

Hmm, drivers intimidate pedestrians, cyclists and other drivers because they can. It’s the same behavior you see when people are allowed to post messages on Internet sites or write letters to the editor of publications without having to sign their real name. As Garrison Keillor wrote recently in the San Francisco Chronicle: “Evil lurks in the heart of man, and anonymity tends to bring it out.” Hey, that’s also why people pick their noses while driving. They think we can’t see the face of the person behind the window. Or they just don’t care.

So what can you do about the human failure to care for others or to see in themselves the same behavior they abhor in others? Look in the mirror and try to bring your own behavior in line with your values. Then, try initiating change in the world. Jot down license plates and register complaints with your local police department. Write a letter to your neighbors or copy this column and drop it off to each home. Talk to local driving schools and share your concern. Ask the city to post pedestrian safety signs to remind drivers of their responsibility on the road. Be one less person caught up in the madness.

I have been single for five years and, although men check me out, they rarely ask me out. A friend said men are intimidated by me because I am (in his words) smart, beautiful, fun, with a hot body. I worry, though, that there is something about me that is keeping men away. Any ideas?

To steal a line from comedian Greg Behrendt: “Don’t waste the pretty.” If a man is intimidated by you, he’s just not that into you (yeah, that Greg Behrendt). Don’t waste your beauty on a man who lacks the capacity to appreciate it and don’t let his insecurity become your problem. It’s curious that you fear there is something wrong with you. Perhaps the power of that belief is the problem. What would your life be like if you thought: “There is nothing about me that keeps the right men away”? Yeah, don’t you feel better already?