Certain death

How’s this for hard-core marketing? Written right across the top of the poster for Mr. Lobo’s Shocking Midnite Movie Spookshow is this promise: “Everyone who attends this show will DIE!”

Before any concerned citizens call the police on Mr. Lobo, host of the public-access cable show Cinema Insomnia, be assured that Mr. Lobo’s insurance contract with the Crest Theatre doesn’t actually allow for murder or suicide on the premises. (The Crest recently had its lobby couches reupholstered, and any potentially staining bloodshed is forbidden by management.) Lobo is simply capitalizing on the fact that everyone, everywhere has to kick the proverbial bucket at some point. And before you do, he’d appreciate your attendance at his Spookshow.

The evening is a multipurpose book-release party, movie screening and all around freak fest. The book is Cheryl Duran’s Monster Movie Memories: From Movie Palace to Drive-in, an encyclopedia of cinematic creatures from the 1930s through the 1960s, with a forward by Mr. Lobo. Duran, editor of Monster News, will be on hand to sign copies for monster fans. The feature film is the classic House on Haunted Hill. Mr. Lobo promises to “use his dark powers to hypnotize you into believing this goofy, 40-year-old movie is actually scary!” The freakiness includes free Blood-o-Vision glasses, and monsters who will steal girls out of the audience. (Sorry, boys!) And, according to the poster, some lucky soul will win “a real dead body.”

The monster bash begins at midnight on Saturday at the Crest Theatre, located at 1013 K Street. Tickets are $8.50. Call (916) 44-CREST or visit www.cinemainsomnia.com for more information. If you actually win a dead body, then you can call the police.