Captions, busted

SN&R’s arts editors would like to thank the hordes of readers—well, OK, like 25, tops—who entered our band photo caption contest (see “Every pose has its thorn,” SN&R Arts&Culture, October 18), daring to undertake the delicate art of douche annotation. Thanks also to fledgling local band Jesus, Mary & Brosefs, pictured, for being an unwitting contest guinea pig and just so, well, ripe for caption commentary.

Some responses to our solicitation didn’t offer much in the way of workable captions but were nonetheless instructive. Maybe we were wrong, for instance, to joke that local acousti-rockers Out of Place give off a smug, juvenile, sexually menacing vibe. After all, consider fan Jamal Abu-saleh’s compelling defense: “Who ever wrote the article about out of place obviously has no taste in music and would not know if a good band fucked them in the ass you suck out of place ROCKS go suck a dick.” Well, at least we didn’t need sodomy to learn about punctuation, too.

It should be noted that more than one entrant suggested an allusion to The Breakfast Club, to which we can only say, “Shut up, bitch! Go fix me a turkey pot pie.”

Anyhoo, let’s get on with announcing the winner, of which, alas, there can be only one—mostly because the majority of suggestions were unpublishably inane. In that regard, it’s nice to know our jobs are secure. Oh, but what the hell, since we’re feeling generous, let’s also choose two runners-up.

All three players will receive autographed 8-by-10 glossies of the band; our champion also gets 50 bucks worth of credit at Brew It Up! Congratulations to everyone, everywhere.

FIRST PLACE:

“SN&R’s editorial staff is not happy with the results of the ‘Ask a Wigger in a Shopping Cart’ column,” by Brian Hutchison.

HONORABLE MENTION:

“The understudies for Buckaroo Banzai: The Musical wait in the wings,” by Anthony King (who submitted several strong, weird entries).

HONORABLE MENTION:

“‘Adults’ who call themselves ‘writers’ rehash a tired theme. How old are you? 14? Give us something worth reading for a change,” by Darin Koepernik.