Bottoms up!

So many bars, so much to learn.

Most of us spend a good portion of our childhood at school, yet school never teaches us a lick when it comes to drinking. This is bad, because we spend more of our adult lives imbibing than crunching fractions.

And so we never even learn the basics. That, hey, if it’s nighttime, don’t be a jerk and order a Bloody Mary, because it’ll piss off the bartender. Or that cocktails are supposed to taste good—so there’s really no need to get messed up off a Long Island iced tea when you can have, say, an artisan margarita with a jalapeño floater.

Thankfully, SN&R met up with a couple dozen Sacramento-area bartenders to chat dos and don’ts and other bartending lore. Think of this as summer school. Here’s what they had to say. Bottoms up!

Bartender: Ryan Seng
Bar: Shady Lady Saloon, 1409 R Street

We hear that Shady Lady makes a lot of its own ingredients. What types of ingredients do you make personally?

Tonic is [one of the owner’s] pet projects right now. I also work at Grange, so I make a lot of my own syrups. I was just working on a cherry vermouth. Cherries are great right now.

What’s your favorite drink to make?

I usually stay with the seasons. I like old drinks, and I’m big into cherries right now. Maybe an improved cherry Manhattan.

What is your least favorite?

[Cosmopolitans] and lemon drops—it’s a comfort zone that people get in. I hate when people order them … afraid to try something new. I usually let them have one comfort drink and then talk to them about a new one.

Tell me the best pickup line you’ve heard.

All of them are kind of cheesy … not really good. Someone I know has a T-shirt that says, “Make awkward sexual advances, not war.” She gets laid a lot with that.

When did you begin tending bar?

My first time was when I was in living in New York, in Soho. … So, 1992. I’ve jumped around a bit, I was a waiter for a while, but came back. I’m an artist, too. Some of my art is here in the bar.

If you could have a drink with anyone, living or dead, who would you drink with?

Maybe Jerry Thomas; I was just reading a book about him … he’s one of the original bartenders. Or maybe an old artist, like Rembrandt.

Bartender: Haley White
Bar: Uncle Vito’s Slice of New York, 1501 16th Street

How long have you been working at Uncle Vito’s?

Two and a half years.

What have you learned since you started bartending?

I have learned a lot of patience. I have learned to deal with people on a level that I never would have imagined (laughs): how to talk to people and how to make a few drinks.

What’s your favorite drink to make?

I would say anything … that I can pour in a beer mug.

What is your least favorite?

Lemon drops. It’s just because they are sticky, and, really, I don’t like them, but they’re sticky. That’s the bottom line.

What is the most unusual request you have had for a drink?

A shot of Razzmatazz, warm. It was gross. Not too many weird ones, but that was pretty strange.

Seen any fights go down?

Between myself and a customer? (Laughs.) There has been a few, but not many. We’re a pretty mild-tempered bar. We have a bouncer at night, but other than that, no.

Have you spotted any celebrities while tending bar?

Yeah. “Stiffler’s mom” [actress Jennifer Coolidge] was here about two months ago. She was hammered. It was pretty funny. They came and got pizza at like 1 o’clock in the morning on a Saturday night. She was in town for some event.

What do you drink when you go out?

I’m a beer and whiskey kind of girl.

What’s your favorite whiskey?

So far as best tasting, most Canadians fall into the best-tasting category, because they are designed for taste. What I tend to drink? Jameson 12 Years Old is good.

Other than your place of work, where do you go out drinking?

I play softball for Zebra Club, and I typically go there if I am going to be drinking.

What is the strangest thing that has happened while working?

I have had a narcoleptic guy come in, and he was sitting on a stool in the back and fell asleep. We thought he was passing out, but it turned out he was just narcoleptic.

Bartender: Atique Rahman
Bar: Lounge on 20, 1050 20th Street

What is an artisan cocktail?

The artisan element is when the cocktail is going to have texture to it. It’s going to look like something you’ve never seen before. It’s going to have different colors to it, like the Bella Fragola: It’s vodka, lemon juice, simple syrup, strawberry puree and fresh basil. We serve it over rocks with a splash of soda water, and we accompany that with a fresh basil leaf. When it comes out, it’s primarily red, but you see bits of green from the fresh pieces of basil.

What’s your craziest bar story?

I’ve been hit by lemons and limes before from people trying to get my attention, but those kinds of things are occupational hazards bound to happen. What did happen once, which was unfortunate, but kind of funny: Somebody lit [themselves] on fire here. First of all, not the restaurant’s fault; this woman was fairly inebriated. And all of a sudden, you see this person stumble over to one of our smaller tables with candles on it and flames shoot up. I think she was wearing something flammable, like a scarf or something. She was fine.

Do you have a signature drink?

I have a few, but one that I’ve been hand-selling is a drink called Pasión. It’s a tequila-based drink with fresh basil, pomegranate liquor, a little bit of lime juice, simple syrup, and the whole thing gets a dash of a dry rosé. It’s a take on a traditional margarita, but served up, and the freshness of the basil just really makes the drink.

What’s your advice for trying new drinks?

I think a lot of people don’t realize the really unique and very innovative food culture that the city of Sacramento has. When you come here, just allow yourself to be open enough to experience something new. You’d be amazed at all the different taste combinations out there that will completely change your mind. If anything, if a bartender asks you to leave your fate in their hands, go for it.

Bartender: Joel Andrew Kaul
Bar: Ink Eats & Drinks, 2730 N Street

How would you describe the environment at Ink?

It’s kind of mixed. We can get either rich, old men; plenty of douche bags; some of them have money, too. Slutty girls. We get some really hot ones, too.

What is the worst drink to make in the middle of a rush?

Either a mojito or margaritas are a pain in the ass. Anything you have to shake and strain pretty much sucks, or anything that has like four or five parts to it.

Do you have signature drink?

Yeah: Joel’s Cream Machine.

What’s in that?

A little spiced rum, a little orange juice. A little vanilla creamer. It’s got an Orange Julius type taste to it. I think it’s called a Creamsicle in other places; I just call it Joel’s Cream Machine.

Why did you start bartending?

I got fired from my other job, and I was just looking for a buser job or whatever, and I just sort of fell into it.

What is the strangest thing that has happened while working?

There was a point where some of the old bouncers had sprayed Mace inside here, and a lot of the customers had to go outside.

What’s your drink of choice?

Pabst [Blue Ribbon] and Jameson.

Bartender: Russell Eastman
Bar: The Golden Bear, 2326 K Street

When did you begin tending bar?

About four years ago at Kasbah Lounge. I always wanted to be behind the bar; it’s where the cool kids are.

Describe the perfect cocktail for a warm summer day.

My favorite drink on the planet is a tart margarita. I prefer it up, but Sacramento is a little too warm for that. … So, on a hot summer day here, I would say a margarita rocks with half the rim salted, and maybe a float of jalapeño.

What is your least favorite drink to make?

Long Island iced tea; it is absolutely one of the worst cocktails out there. It’s not about taste with that, it’s just about getting messed up.

Is there a most requested drink or cocktail?

I do specialty cocktails every weekend here, and I change them almost every weekend. The one drink that I have consistent is called a Fiddler’s Green. It’s really good. I dreamt that it’s like this magical place that musicians go off and die to. I let one of my guests name it. It’s really good on a summer day, too.

What’s your drink of choice?

A Laphroaig Blood & Sand.

What is your pet peeve at work?

Yelling at the bartender is the worst thing you could possibly do.

Tell me the best pickup line you’ve heard.

Maybe the best thing I’ve heard is this guy said, “Excuse me, you dropped something,” and the girl was looking around and she said, “What did I drop?” … He was like, “Your smile!” It was good because he just got her attention.

If you could have a drink with anyone, living or dead, who would you drink with?

My best friend Tony; he’s a hell of a good time.

Bartender: Huey Tidwell
Bar: Club 2 Me, 4738 J Street

When did you begin tending bar?

1978. I was on the Club 2 Me softball team. A part-time guy was leaving, and they needed someone to help out.

What’s your drink of choice?

I don’t drink anymore—not since 1998. I realized it wasn’t going to work out anymore, being a bartender and drinking.

Is there a most requested drink or cocktail?

Vodka something. Vodka tonic, vodka cranberry, kamikaze.

Describe the perfect cocktail for a warm summer day.

Again, vodka something. I would say a vodka press, with club soda and Sprite.

What’s your favorite drink to make?

Quaalude.

What is your least favorite?

Bloody Mary. There’s a lot of steps involved when you make it from scratch, and when it’s busy, it’s hard to make quickly. Also, when one person orders one, everyone else sees it and wants one, too.

If you could have a drink with anyone, living or dead, who would you drink with?

Plato. Well, besides Socrates, he kind of started everything, philosophy. He’d be interesting to talk to.

What is your pet peeve at work?

Indecisiveness.

Tell me the best pickup line you’ve heard.

“Nice to see you again.” It was different, but it worked.

Bartender: Aurora Jimenez
Bar: TownHouse Lounge, 1517 21st Street

Is this your first bartending job?

Yes, it is.

What made you want to become a bartender?

I bugged them for about a year, even when I was pregnant. I came in and told them they were going to train me, and they did.

Why were you set on working here?

I used to party here when I was younger, and I got to know Russell [the owner].

What was the most difficult thing to learn when you first started?

Bloody Marys. It’s a pain in my ass, but I love them now, I guess. I hate drinking them. I would never drink them. I think they stink.

What is the worst drink to make in the middle of a rush?

When people order like seven shots and backs. Even though you think it’s easy to pour, it’s just a pain in the ass.

Has anything funny happened to you recently?

I got asked to join a band, and I did get asked out by a 70-year-old man.

Do you feel like you are treated any differently because you are a female bartender?

I would like to think I hold myself with a good demeanor, so I don’t make myself seem like I would be easy to get to. So I have a block up all the time, so that people can get to know the nice me, I like to be very welcoming and friendly, but I don’t like coming off as a girl.

Do you have a signature drink?

I have, and I call it Sex in the Townhouse. It’s like a sex on the beach with a little twist. It’s basically vodka, pineapple-orange cocktail juice, coconut rum, a splash of lime and grenadine.

What is your favorite bar other than TownHouse?

Pine Cove or Shady Lady.

Bartender: Nate DeWitt
Bar: The Press Club, 2030 P Street

What got you into bartending?

Basically the convenience of it, and the lack of hours.

How long have you worked at The Press Club?

Just over a year.

What is the worst drink to make in the middle of a rush?

Anyone that orders a Bloody Mary after dark is a jerk. Basically, any drink is pretty easy to make, it’s just a matter of, like, if it needs to be shaken, you shouldn’t order three types of shaken drinks in one order. That’s a lot of dishware, honestly.

When do you cut someone off?

If they are slurring, they’re pretty much done. If they pass out at the bar, they are pretty much done. And if they are talking to themselves. All those are bad things.

What’s your drink of choice?

Vodka is my favorite base for a drink, so vodka and soda. I’m pretty simple.

What is the most unusual request you have had for a drink?

Gorilla fart. It’s just annoying, because they are trying to make somebody puke, and I never remember how to make it, because it’s gross. Yellow Submarine is another one. Usually I can talk people out of that.

Have you spotted any celebrities while tending bar?

There was a rap star [around the corner] at Old Tavern one time, but haven’t got any celebrities here [at The Press Club]. He used to be in Wu-Tang or something.

Do you consider bartending a career?

Yeah. I do, actually.

Have you taken any classes to further your training?

I have read a lot of books.

What book would you recommend to a bartender in training?

I would probably go more toward the classic bartending, where they are using fresh fruit. I think that’s kinda where [the business] is going. Dive bars have started to make a lot of money. Some of the bars that are opening up are more of the classic-style fancy drinks. You get to charge a lot more for them.

Bartender: David Kile
Bar: Monkey Bar, 2730 Capitol Avenue

What got you into bartending?

I became a buser, then I was a server, and the money was in bartending, so I became a bartender.

How long have you been working here?

For six—actually it will be seven years in September.

Would you recommend bartending school to anyone?

No, I would not.

What drink are you most proud of?

I would say my Bloody Mary or my margaritas.

Why is your Bloody Mary so special?

The one thing people should know about a Bloody Mary is if you get it and it is bright red, its probably not going to be the best Bloody Mary you have ever had. I like to use a little bit of Cholula [hot sauce], and I think olive juice is a big key, and just a little bit of horseradish.

What is your least favorite drink to make?

I would definitely have to say a mojito.

What is the most unusual request you have had for a drink?

A number of customers will request drinks that they don’t know the recipe for, so if they don’t know them, then I can’t do anything for them. As far as the more classic cocktails are concerned, everyone has an app on their phone these days, and then they can at least tell me what’s in it.

Do you have a signature drink?

The one that people know me for is called the Loch Ness Monster. It’s floated. It’s Midori Sour, Bailey’s Irish Cream and Jäger on top.

Have you spotted any celebrities while tending bar?

One time the Little People, Big World people were supposed to be here, but they never came, though. As far as local celebrities, we get members of the Deftones. [Gov.] Arnold [Schwarzenegger] has not come into the Monkey Bar yet.

Bartender: Kim Davidson
Bar: Mix Downtown, 1531 L Street; The Park Ultra Lounge, 1116 15th Street

How long have you been working at Mix?

About three years.

Why did you get into bartending?

I had been serving for a long time, but my personality suits bartending better.

What is it about your personality?

[The customers] are a little sassier, quicker in wit, and I like to talk to people, joke with people, and that doesn’t really go over so well at a table with people. They want to talk to each other, not their server.

Do you have a signature drink?

There are a couple drinks that I like to make. It really just depends on what it is the customer likes. I try and make something for somebody depending on if they like something sweet or fruity, or someone likes bourbon or whiskey. It just depends on your flavor. There is a strawberry-lemonade martini that I make that’s really good.

The ingredients?

That’s a secret. I can’t tell you that. (Laughs.) It’s strawberry vodka, fresh strawberries and lemon, and a little extra something in there, but that’s the base of it.

What is the worst drink to make in the middle of a rush?

Probably a Bloody Mary.

What’s the biggest tip you’ve received?

I had a guy who wanted to show off and tipped me like $200, for nothing. He just thought that he could impress me by going, “Oh, I’m going to give you the biggest tip you’ve ever seen,” and I was like, “All right, go ahead.”

What is the most unusual request you have had for a drink?

I remember the first time [someone requested] a black Superman, and I thought it was the weirdest thing on the planet. I was working at a steakhouse in Roseville, and it was just all I served there was pinot noirs and Pabst, and someone was trying to explain to me what was in it, and I just thought it was the weirdest thing [to order].

What is in it?

It’s like a Long Island [iced tea], only you add blue curaçao, Chambord, Coca-Cola. It’s black. Well, purpley black.

Bartender: Robert Hopkins
Bar: Fat City Bar & Café, 1001 Front Street

What would you say was the most difficult thing you had to learn when you started working?

I would say the high volume of people, making drinks for both the restaurant and the bar.

Would you say you go out drinking more or less since you became a bartender?

I go out less, because I work Thursday through Saturday. I just have a couple pints after work and that’s all. Being in a restaurant is actually at an advantage, because I can still get out of here by 11 [p.m.], which I like that, because I teach during the day, so I can still get home at a good time and then I can wake up at 7:30 [a.m.].

Where do you teach?

[Sacramento] High [School].

Do you try to hide that you work as a bartender from your students?

Well, they see me. They all hang out in Old Sac. You’ll find that a lot of bartenders are subbing or teaching somewhere.

Do you have a signature drink?

We just have some house recipes that I work on. I make a pretty good espressotini. It’s a cold shot of espresso, and I use Starbucks coffee and Starbucks cream with vanilla vodka, and then I put chocolate on the rim with ground beans on the rim.

Have you spotted any celebrities while tending bar?

We have had Trent Dilfer, that [Danny] Bonaduce guy, and some random comedians and baseball players.

Does the restaurant environment help calm down the heavy drinkers in the bar area?

When people are smashed, they don’t care. We have had people up here just yelling and screaming. One time, we had a bachelorette party, and this group of guys ordered the table a round of blow jobs, which is your standard bachelorette-party drink. So, they start chanting “Blow job! Blow job!” and this lady freaked out and got up and said, “I can’t believe I am hearing this. I have a 10-year-old.” So I told the table thanks to them, we have to rename the drink.

Bartender: Matt Nurge
Bar: Shady Lady Saloon, 1409 R Street

When did you begin tending bar?

In 2000—I was born into it. I grew up in Sacramento and my mom was a server … so I hung out in the bar every day before school.

We hear that Shady Lady makes a lot of its own ingredients. What types of ingredients do you make personally?

Since I’m not here during the day, most of the day guys take care of the syrups. The two things that I bring in here is a falernum … kind of an unusual ingredient from the Caribbean. I’ve also made my own tamarind syrup.

Is there a most requested drink or cocktail?

Probably something called a cherry phosphate.

What’s your favorite drink to make?

A lot of our drinks are a little on the complicated side. To me, anything. I just love making drinks. Right now I like making a drink called a Vieux Carré.

What is your least favorite?

Anything ordered with zero forethought is my least favorite thing to make.

Describe the perfect cocktail for a warm summer day.

Right now, it’s probably a Chappelle cocktail, which actually has the falernum that I was talking about earlier in it. It has gin, fresh lime juice, falernum, a little bit of muddled pineapple. Simple and refreshing.

If you could have a drink with anyone, living or dead, who would you drink with?

Charles Bukowski. Amazing writer, infamous alcoholic.

What is your pet peeve at work?

I’m probably not the right person to talk to about that, because I have a laundry list of pet peeves at work … but I guess I share them with almost every other bartender out there. I’m working on getting over them, or [the pet peeves] will kill me first.

Bartender: Tyler Williams
Bar: The Golden Bear, 2326 K Street

When did you begin tending bar?

Probably about nine years ago now.

What is your favorite drink to make?

My favorite drink to make is whatever is really fast to make. That’s my personal thing, whatever doesn’t take a lot of time. Like, a shot and a beer is perfect.

Describe the perfect cocktail for a warm summer day.

I created a cocktail called the San Diego Monster; it’s a refreshing grapefruit cocktail.

What is your least favorite drink to make?

Definitely a Bloody Mary: It’s time-consuming and labor-intensive. I like to consider myself a speed-of-service bartender, and that’s definitely not a speedy drink.

If you could have a drink with anyone, living or dead, who would you drink with?

Ryan Adams of Ryan Adams & the Cardinals, because I’d like to rack his brain about his music.

Is there a most requested drink or cocktail?

We sell more [Miller] High Life and shots of Jameson than anything else. It’s definitely the most requested drink here at The Golden Bear.

What is the strangest thing that has happened while working?

Well, I only work during the weekdays now, so my shifts are pretty normal. People are just characters, though. … I had an old guy once order a whiskey and milk, I thought that was weird. He said he wanted to get drunk and cure his heartburn at the same time.

Bartender: Kendl Schubert
Bar: The Boxing Donkey Irish Pub, 300 Lincoln Street in Roseville

What’s your favorite drink to make?

That would be a pint of Guinness and a shot of Jameson. That is what everyone should be drinking while they’re in here.

What is your least favorite?

Well, luckily, we don’t have mint or a blender. Anything that doesn’t involve those two items is fine by me.

Tell me the best pickup line you’ve heard.

I’ve heard a lot. A customer had a sugar packet, and he told me that I dropped my name tag. I thought that was funny.

If you could have a drink with anyone, living or dead, who would you drink with?

It would be Adam Carolla, because he’s a genius. He’s amazing. I just think his brain works like nobody else’s. He’s got a great sense of humor, great wit, and he’s a good entertainer, that’s for sure.

How long have you been working as a bartender?

I’ve been serving since the day we opened our doors. That was in November of 2008.

If you could rename any drink that you serve, what would you call it and why?

That’s a hard question. Maybe the Irish car bomb, because I don’t get it at all. I would call it the dirty milkshake, because everyone thinks it’s like a milkshake already.