Best trash in town

Tag-line writers are among those professionals that go unnoticed, kind of like people who inspect clothing for defects. Every so often, I’ll notice a sticker on my shirt tag declaring “Inspected by No. 44,” and wonder what it’s like to have that job.

Movie tag lines are similar. When a good one gets stuck in my head, there’s that glimmer of curiosity about the mastermind behind the cliché—and how much cash they make, of course. It’s probably one of those jobs where the less words you use, the more income you get:

“In space, no one can hear you scream,” $500.

“Who ya gonna call?” $2,000.

“They’re here,” $15,000.

So where do all the retired tag-line writers go? They create tag lines for movies that will show at the annual Trash Film Orgy, a series of midnight movie shows every Saturday through August 15 at Crest Theatre.

Consider: the 1988 Indonesian film Lady Terminator (“First she mates … then she terminates”), Chopping Mall (“Buy or die … half off is just the beginning”) or Satan’s Cheerleaders (“Come score with the cheerleaders. When these girls raise hell there’s the Devil to pay”).

Despite the cheesiness, this orgy of cult cinema is the bloodiest and trashiest collection of the best worst films in the world. It’s awesome. There also will be screenings of original shorts by TFO, live bloody stage shows, appearances by directors and costume contests.

Sorry, kiddos, these films aren’t kid-tested or mother-approved. But, if you’re willing to fork over your allowance, I might sneak you in as a midget zombie.