Best reason to visit Florin Road

Let me explain my weed-smoking habits: I don't smoke weed. I take baby, vaporized tokes a few times a month. I'm the wimpiest stoner in America. Too much weed makes me feel dizzy and near cardiac arrest. Seriously. I once pulled a Maureen Dowd and hid in a dark room for hours because of an averse reaction to some dabs. That's why I like Florin Wellness Center: They don't laugh at me when I tell them that I want to be “barely high.” I just want a light buzz so I can watch something crappy on HBO, like White House Down. Medical marijuana: Nothing numbs the pain of Roland Emmerich’s bogus auteur theory better. Anyway, FWC is the perfect spot for any canna-curious Sacramentan, with flavorful flowers that’ve obviously been harvested right and which proffer a legit buzz. There’s even a customer-loyalty program! At the rate I purchase pot, I might get a free gram in 2024. 7047 S. Land Park Drive, (916) 706-0563, www.florin-wellness-center.com. N.M.