Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever

Two spies (Antonio Banderas and Lucy Liu) kill a lot of people and blow up a lot of stuff. The silly gobbledygook title is only one of the endless problems with this ridiculous mess. The plot is incomprehensible, and writer Alan McElroy’s atrocious dialogue zealously scrapes the bottom of the cliché barrel. The actors all deliver their lines in furtive whispers, as if hoping that the audience, deafened by the last explosion, won’t notice how idiotic they sound. The director’s given name, Wych Kaosayananda, is shortened here to “Kaos”—alas, all too appropriately. The film is boring to an amazing degree considering that it’s barely 90 minutes long and virtually nonstop gunfire, explosions and car crashes, and Kaos’ visual pretensions make it look like a Calvin Klein commercial with a body count.