Bad trip

I went on vacation with my boyfriend, and all we did was argue. While he was on a dive trip, I packed my stuff and flew back home. He keeps leaving messages saying I owe him for my half of the hotel, flight and food. Our agreement before we left was that he was paying for everything. I haven’t talked to him. What should I do?

Your boyfriend paid for the holiday as an investment in the relationship. When you bailed on him, he bailed on his promise to you. Do you owe him money? Yes, if the trip cost him more than expected as a result of your exit. For example, sometimes hotels charge a single supplement fee. If he had to pay more for his hotel room because he was now without a roommate, you should pay the difference. Otherwise, no. His financial loss for the holiday is tuition in the university of relationships. But, in the future, have the integrity to tell a partner your plans face to face. Abandonment is unkind and unnecessary unless you are concerned for your physical safety.

My boyfriend broke up with me by text. I keep calling and texting him, but he doesn’t respond.

Only a coward uses text, email or voice mail to break up. If a guy ever does that to you again, don’t respond. At all. Ever. He’s not worth a split-second of your time. If you long for a reason why he broke up with you, here it is: He is incapable of speaking the truth. If he did, he would have the backbone to talk with you in person.

One of my friends calls every few months and says she wants to get together. When I pull out my calendar to find a day, she always puts off making plans. We used to be close, but now she will literally take weeks to return my call. When we do talk, it’s like we’re friends again. I miss her friendship. The only way I know what is happening is from Facebook.

You don’t have a friend, honey. You have an acquaintance who used to be a friend. Shared history is not sufficient to sustain this connection. Would you be willing to let go? She has other priorities. You should, too.

My wife found an old boyfriend on Facebook. She told me when it happened. I didn’t mind, because I trusted her. Now she says they are in love. She wants a divorce. I am convinced that she is having a fantasy. I told her that I would separate, temporarily, so she could see this guy (he lives in another state) and get this out of her system. The next day she moved out. Did I do the wrong thing?

Your wife believes the stars have aligned to reunite her with her soul mate. But you called it a fantasy. To her mind, that means you don’t get it. In other words, you minimized her feelings, so she assumes you are in denial or jealous of her true love. Where does all of this leave you? Taking good care of yourself, I hope. Don’t hold on to someone who wants to leave you. But do try this: Focus all of your attention on listening to her. When she is talking about this other man, their relationship or plans, put your own fears and concerns aside and just listen. Be happy that she is happy. Tell her that you love her, and all you want is for her to be happy. Be the guy she forgot you are. Long-distance relationships wane when you find yourself living in the same town with the man you really love. (Yes, darlin’, that would be you.)