Ashlee Simpson

Man, I’da loved to have been a fly on the wall at the marketing meeting that spawned this masterpiece. “Um, listen: We got the little sister of that blonde bimbo who thinks Chicken of the Sea is chicken and Buffalo wings come from buffalos, and she’s really punk-rock. We got a series lined up on MTV, and we need to cross-collateralize with some hot recorded product like yesterday.” “OK, look: I’m thinking Avril Lavigne with the Matrix, if you get my drift.” “But Ashlee is a quality songwriter, like, uh, Jewel; she’s not some disposable product we’re manufacturing here.” “What? You’re kidding, right? Yeah, and I’m Billy frickin’ Joel. Shut up. Just make sure some of the product sounds kinda artsy, like that Xtina broad. And turn it around quick.” Mm-hmm. And the little girls understand.