Along Came a Spider

A forensic psychologist (Morgan Freeman, repeating his role from 1997’s Kiss the Girls) investigates the kidnapping of a senator’s daughter. Marc Moss’ script (from James Patterson’s novel) is a police procedural with no inkling of police procedures; Freeman’s character figures things out like magic, and developments are surprising only because they don’t make sense. Moss (or Patterson) doesn’t even understand what the Secret Service does for a living. Director Lee Tamahori pounds away at the action with single-minded persistence; meanwhile, Freeman fails to lend the hogwash any dignity—but at least he doesn’t sully his own. In movies like this, plot twists can make you gasp, “Of course!” or they can make you snort, “Oh, brother!” Patterson, Moss and Tamahori don’t seem to see the difference.