A very serious review of Sluricane mixed cocktail by E-40

It's a Thursday afternoon at SN&R headquarters and I'm buzzed on E-40’s Sluricane. Don't tell HR, but I started hitting a bottle of the rapper's New Orleans Hurricane knockoff at a staff meeting. Plastic cups, laughs—it was like a dorm party, except at the J-O-B. Unfortunately, turns out pounding Sluricane at work is maybe ill-advised, as the rum-and-grenadine cocktail gets you turnt up in less than 11 minutes. My cheeks turned as scarlet red as the potion itself. Then, dumb things emerged from my piehole. To wit: Should Nicolas Cage be featured on the cover of our annual Summer Guide issue? Damn you, Sluricane, and your suntan coconut rum magic, your Robitussin-y sugar-smack seduction. Find Sluricane at, you know, liquor stores, for around $20. www.earlstevensselections.com.