Where’s the remote?

Now that the temperature is falling below 90 degrees at night, it’s time to snuggle up on your sofa and watch some good, quality television. Let’s see what’s on.

Prairie Dogging: OK, I doubted NBC’s The Office would ever warm my cockles, because I am officially a snob and love the original (BBC) series SO MUCH! Sure, I don’t always understand what they’re saying when they mumble, but those wicked burns, so dry they smoldered for the entire run of the series, superceded language barriers. Steve Carell is not Ricky Gervais, but his stints on The Daily Show and as star of The 40-Year-Old Virgin have endeared me to him, just a bit. And evidently, Americans like this version, too, because it’s back for a new season.

Histrionic Intent: I am a Law & Order junky but Vincent D’Onofrio (Law & Order: Criminal Intent) just annoys me beyond reason. So C.I. isn’t my favorite of the franchise. But I may have to set up a Season Pass now that poor widdle exhausted D’Onofrio will be switching off starring in episodes with Chris Noth (reprising his Law & Order role). Especially now that he has all that Mr. Big (Sex in the City) history behind him, I’m looking at Noth with new eyes. Let’s hope he isn’t as high-maintenance as D’Onofrio was, according to sources on the CI crew.

“What’s the matter, Summer? You have a weakness for sea men?” Oh, that cheeky Seth Cohen with his zings and his Penguin polos, what won’t he say next? Rife with scandals (so what if I used the word “rife”—I’m edumacated!) and bare skin coupled with up-and-coming alternative music, The O.C. is the gift that just keeps giving. Will Marissa ever be able to dodge her shooting scandal? Will Ryan intensely stare off at some unseeable distance and (gasp) run away? Is Kirsten about to engage in lesboeroticism with Star Trek Voyager’s 7 of 9 (guest star Jeri Ryan) or fall under the spell of her post-rehab manipulations? Tune in tonight!Viral Starmaking: So who is this Andy Milonakis kid, and is he really a 29-year-old man? Was he on The Man Show, Jimmy Kimmel Live, or did he star in that “Super Bowl is Gay” viral video? How did a cable access star get his own series on MTV/MTV 2? These questions, and more, will not be answered in this column, but I advise you check out the Andy Milonakis Show with a group of your most obnoxious friends now!